


Adrift

by swimmingwolf59



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Depression, M/M, Meant to be a direct continuation from the end of the anime, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-07
Updated: 2015-07-07
Packaged: 2018-04-08 03:08:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4288425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swimmingwolf59/pseuds/swimmingwolf59
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sousuke has lost everything: the movement of his shoulder, swimming, his best friend. After everything he's gone through, it really doesn't seem like life will ever allow him to be happy. Especially when he's forced to start coaching Haruka Nanase, the bane of his existence...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Adrift

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like this story needs a little bit of a backstory, so give me a moment to pour out my feels xD  
> I began writing this the day the last episode of Eternal Summer came out (before the OVA came out). My reasons? I was so, so angry that Sousuke was the only character that didn’t get any kind of closure. Like what’s up with that? He’s arguably the only person who needed something, anything to know his future wasn’t just bleak. And Sousuke’s a big sweetie; he deserves a happy ending. Plus, how could they introduce this huge tension between Sousuke and Haru and then literally never have them interact again? Seriously, KyoAni?  
> I felt a little better when they released the OVA, but still: it was very cute, and there was plenty of SouHaru interaction that I loved, but it still didn’t really solve anything.   
> So anyway, I decided to write my own headcannon for Sousuke’s future, and it of course involves Haru because that interaction needs to happen somewhere. Plus, I just love their dynamic so much that I couldn’t resist ;)  
> Sorry for the long author’s note, but I hope you enjoy this story and thanks for reading!!  
> P.S. I will apologize in advance for adding a certain famous swimmer in this story. However, I have no regrets: as a swimmer, he’s my idol too!

Sousuke winced as he sprayed his right shoulder. Looking at it with a grimace, he noticed that it was a lot more purple than it had been before. That wasn’t good. He shrugged his Samezuka jacket on, slowly rotating his shoulder as he did. At least the pain had let off a little – it had been excruciating during the race. Perhaps he shouldn’t have swam in that relay.

It would never heal now.

He watched jealously as the rest of the team swam, wishing with all of his heart that he could be in there with them. He now regretted all of those times when he’d convinced himself that there was nothing wrong with his shoulder, that he just had to keep swimming if he wanted to compete with Rin.

Now he could never swim again.

His orange-haired underclassman caught his eye and he watched as Momotarou swam, critically eyeing his backstroke. Momotarou was a strong kicker, but his arms didn’t get all of the power that they could, which had been obvious in the race against Iwatobi. Sousuke noticed that Momotarou’s shoulders didn’t rotate enough with each stroke, which would constrict the strength of his pull. He also noticed that the backstroker’s head moved slightly to the side with every stroke, creating drag that slowed him down (not to mention that it was bad on his neck).

Standing, Sousuke walked to the edge of the pool to catch his underclassman before he tried to swim another hundred. If he himself couldn’t swim, he figured that he might as well make himself useful by helping the other members of the team. He squatted as Momotarou passed the flags and stretched his left arm out to catch the self-proclaimed sea otter.

However, he soon found the effort unnecessary as Momotarou’s head rammed into the side of the pool.

“Waah! That was the same place as yesterday!” Momotarou complained as he stood in the shallow end, holding his head.

Sousuke was unsympathetic. “The flags are there for a reason, you know.”

“I know that!” Momotarou pouted at his upperclassman. “It’s just that my stroke count always seems to change!”

“Your strokes are uneven. You don’t rotate your shoulders enough and you move your head too much.”

Momotarou looked stunned for a moment (Sousuke wondered if he’d hit his head too hard this time) before beaming a bright smile at his injured teammate. “Hey, you might be on to something! Thanks, Yamazaki!”

Watching Momotarou take off again, Sousuke noticed the orange-haired swimmer putting more effort into rotating his shoulders. The change wasn’t dramatic, but it was a step in the right direction. With more refined practice, Momotarou would become an amazing backstroker. Probably even better than that Tachibana kid.

A small patch of warmth blossomed in Sousuke’s stomach and he smiled a little. Knowing that he would be the one pushing Momotarou in that direction was a nice feeling.

“Hey.” A can of soda was tossed at Sousuke; he caught it reflexively and looked up at Rin as the other stood next to him. “What’re you doing sitting by the edge of the pool with a silly grin on your face? Shouldn’t you be swimming?”

The warm feeling was replaced with a painful twisting in Sousuke’s gut. Where he stood emotionally with Rin now was… complicated, to say the least.

Rin had been his closest friend in elementary school; they had shared everything. At least, they had before Rin had decided to go to Australia. He’d barely discussed the situation with Sousuke. One minute he was there, the next he was across the ocean. He’d kept in contact for a while, but even the letters eventually stopped coming. It bothered Sousuke to no end that his friend was troubled by something (that was the only explanation he had for the lack of communication) and wouldn’t confide in him. What were they even friends for if Rin felt he couldn’t rely on him? He had been angry at first, and then just lonely. Without Rin, he was just a crazy swimmer. No one else on the team ever tried to approach him, and he made no effort to talk to them.

Maybe what he felt for Rin had been something else entirely, but Sousuke refused to acknowledge that. It would just hurt him – after all, Rin had found someone else he’d rather be friends with.

Haruka Nanase was the bane of Sousuke’s existence. If it wasn’t for him, and his swimming prowess, Rin would still be interested in swimming with his old buddy. But now, even though he was back in Japan, Rin was too busy with Nanase to find time to even contact Sousuke. It was like he no longer existed.

He could never forgive Nanase for that.

However, Nanase wasn’t the only problem: now, after he had somewhat regained his friendship with Rin, the shark had seemed to realize that he had missed swimming with Sousuke and insisted that Sousuke shouldn’t “just give up” on swimming because of his shoulder.

That made Sousuke’s blood boil. Did Rin really think that he was just giving up? That he hadn’t been to every medical practitioner, every muscle specialist, tried every physical therapy known for swimmer’s shoulder? He hadn’t just given up. How could he have? Swimming was the only thing important to him anymore, and his only connection to Rin. If he couldn’t swim, he had nothing to strive for. If he couldn’t swim, he really would cease to exist in Rin’s eyes. Swimming was his life.

He’d quit swimming only because he’d tried everything, but nothing had worked. He’d finally accepted that he would never be able to swim again.

The fact that Rin failed to see the extent of his injury, or more like refused to, frustrated Sousuke. Did Rin really have such little faith in him? It just prolonged the pain; Sousuke knew he couldn’t swim, and he would appreciate it if Rin didn’t keep planting tiny seeds of hope in his heart.

It only led to disappointment.

“You know I can’t do that, Rin,” Sousuke finally answered, taking out his frustration on the soda can as he snapped it open so hard that the cap broke off.

“Stop just giving up like that!” Rin snapped, squatting down to Sousuke’s level. “Don’t you believe that your shoulder will heal?! I told you I’d wait for you to swim again, and I mean that! You’d better as hell be trying to get better!”

There were those words again. Sousuke was usually pretty good about keeping his cool, but he had heard this painful mantra so many times that he was sick of it. He stood up abruptly, pulling Rin up with him by the jacket. He tightened his grip on the jacket until his knuckles turned white as he glared at his old friend.

“You stop, Rin. Do you really think that swimming means so little to me that I’d give up because of a healable injury?” His voice was oddly quiet. He’d imagined this scene many times, and had always seen himself shouting at Rin. Maybe he was too soft because it was Rin.

The shark was speechless. He just stared at Sousuke with his mouth agape. The silence was worse than any retaliation.

Sousuke scoffed, trying to hide his pain. “If you do think that, then I’m sorry for thinking we were ever close enough for you to understand me.”

He let go of Rin’s jacket and stormed off the pool deck. Even then, as his gut churned with anger and his eyes burned with frustrated tears, a small part of him wished that Rin would come after him. He wanted an apology, or at least something that confirmed to him that their friendship had been special to the other at one point.

But Rin never called out to him, and Sousuke never turned around to see if he was looking back at him.

He didn’t really pay attention to where he was going or what he was doing. He was too upset to care. The one thing he was conscious of was the sting of the cold air on his shoulder as he tossed his Samezuka swim jacket into a trash can. He couldn’t stand the thing anymore: it just reminded him of the only things that he’d ever loved and the things that he could never have again.

He had lost swimming, and with it his only friend.

 

_~7 years later~_

 

This was a joke. It had to be.

Sousuke had graduated high school depressed and lost. He hadn’t talked to Rin since he’d yelled at him, and Rin had never tried to approach him. The person who had once been his best friend had become like everyone else in Sousuke’s life: a blur, someone who made no effort to get close to him. He was lonely; he had no one to talk to.

All that faced him in the morning was his stupid shoulder. The purple color had lessened a little, but that didn’t mean it had healed. Sousuke, sometimes forgetting about it, would reach out to catch something that was falling, only to gasp in pain as his shoulder failed him.

Everything was just a reminder of what he had lost.

After graduating, he had no idea what to do with his life. He attended a public university for a little while before dropping out, finding the work pointless and uninteresting. Once he thought he found his calling when he helped a local policeman, but even that hadn’t lasted long. After spending a year in police training, Sousuke found that he just didn’t care about other people. If someone’s possessions got stolen, he actually felt glad because someone knew a pain that was similar to what he felt every day.

It was Momotarou that saved him. After high school, the sea otter had decided to go pro. Remembering the time that Sousuke had helped him improve his backstroke, he called on Sousuke again to train him. Whether it was loneliness or the calling of the pool that motivated Sousuke to say yes, he himself wasn’t sure.

He trained Momotarou for almost two years. By the time Momotarou was ready to move on to more specialized back training, Olympic trainers had noticed Sousuke’s skill as a coach. They offered him a job doing exactly what he’d been doing for Momotarou, and Sousuke once again agreed.

It was through this job that Sousuke began to find his happiness again. He was a strict coach, but he enjoyed helping serious swimmers reach their goals: it was as close as he could get to reaching the goal himself. It was the closest he could get to swimming. And he enjoyed the people he worked with; he helped all sorts of swimmers, but he specialized and worked the hardest with those swimming fly or free. He’d grown especially attached to one of his pupils, a light-hearted man with a beautiful butterfly, but he never made any advances, scared of being left behind, and never saw the man again after he reached Olympic level.

And now, after so much time had passed that Sousuke was beginning to forget about Rin and the hole he’d left in his heart, life decided to play its cruelest joke yet.

He was meeting his newest pupil, who was assigned by his employer to be his first serious pupil. All the others had moved on to more advanced coaches after training under Sousuke for a few years, but his boss had deemed his growing skills capable of training this pupil all through their Olympic career. Most coaches had more than one pupil at this stage, but his boss wanted him to only have the one to test him and make sure he was good enough to coach multiple swimmers at the Olympic level.

So he was assigned his first official pupil: the only pupil he would have for the next several years, and would continue to have even after he (hopefully) gained more pupils. And who would this pupil be?

None other than Haruka Nanase.

Nanase stood there in his swimsuit, the same one he’d used all through high school Sousuke noticed, with an Olympic jacket draped over his shoulders. He stared at his new teacher with a blank expression; Sousuke couldn’t even tell if the bane of his existence recognized him. That irritated him. Nanase had ruined a good twelve years of his life and he couldn’t even bother to remember him.

Sousuke decided to help him. “Still wearing the same swimsuit, I see.”

“It’s not the same.” No hesitation, no change in expression. Sousuke felt a vein pop above his eye. He was about to make a snarky retort when, surprisingly, Nanase spoke again. “You became a swim coach.”

So he did recognize him. The fact calmed Sousuke a bit, but that didn’t change the contempt he felt for Nanase. First he ruined his friendship, now he was going to ruin his job. How could he take fun out of coaching this little bastard?

“Is that not obvious to you?” Sousuke was struggling to contain his anger.

Nanase decided to ignore the question and instead fired one of his own. “Does Rin know?”

The question was almost too much for the swim coach. Nanase didn’t even know what he’d done! Not only that, but the question implied that Rin had never shared with the free swimmer that he had lost Sousuke’s friendship. Sousuke felt old wounds sting in his heart again. Had he really meant so little to Rin?

“Get in the pool.” Sousuke couldn’t bring himself to talk about Rin. He felt that, if he did, he would start to break down, and Nanase was the last person he wanted to do that in front of. Instead, he opted to just get started with the coaching. It had to be better than striking up conversation: at least when he was coaching, he had an excuse to talk to Nanase only when he was criticizing him. That would help. “Let’s see what you got, Nanase.”

Nanase gave him a long stare before he dramatically threw off his jacket and jumped into the pool without a word. Sousuke narrowed his eyes. Was he supposed to take something from that look?

Shaking it away, Sousuke focused on the task at hand and started Nanase on a set. Getting angry over every little thing his pupil did wouldn’t help anything; he didn’t think he’d ever get over his contempt for the other, but Sousuke vowed that he would put aside his emotions (for now) while he taught Nanase to be the best damn swimmer ever.

 

\--

 

Sousuke hated to admit it, but Nanase was a damn good freestyler.

He was a quick learner, and his passion to swim as much as possible led to leagues of improvement. Sousuke found himself occupied every Sunday coming up with a new training regimen because his pupil had already outgrown the old one; while he’d like to complain and swear about it, he actually appreciated it. It forced him to work hard at his job, and he hoped it was improving him as a coach.

Of course, that didn’t mean he didn’t despise Nanase anymore; in fact, his bitterness only seemed to intensify with each passing moment.

Every lap Nanase completed was torture for Sousuke. Every stroke, every kick, every breath was a painful reminder that he would never be able to swim again. Standing by the edge of the pool, following Nanase’s progress, Sousuke could barely resist the urge to jump in and start laps of his own. This, stacked on with his firm beliefs that everything was Nanase’s fault (if only Rin hadn’t enjoyed swimming with him, maybe Sousuke wouldn’t have been so foolish and he wouldn’t have over-trained, and he would be swimming his way towards Olympic gold himself) only deepened his hatred for the other.

To help Nanase get better felt like he was burying his dream for good, and he couldn’t stand that. The bane of his existence didn’t deserve getting better and better while Sousuke cried himself to sleep every night.

If the job didn’t mean so much to him, Sousuke would’ve quit as soon as he’d laid eyes on Nanase. Life truly was cruel.

At the end of a hard day, Sousuke stared down into the deserted pool. Darkness shrouded the large room, and the swim coach knew he should’ve left long ago, but the water compelled him to stay. It was kind of eerie, the way it reflected the moonlight but didn’t have any motion in it like water in the ocean tended to, but it was the eeriness that called to him. It was the stillness that had always hugged him and comforted him when he’d needed it most.

Discarding all of his clothes on the pool deck, save for his black and gray striped swimsuit, he slipped into the shallow end and kneeled so that the water came up to his neck. Though he couldn’t swim, lately he’d found that just sitting in the pool was a great comfort. He’d even started wearing his swimsuit all the time, so that he could have precious water time at the blink of an eye. In his earlier, more depressed years, he had thought about tossing his swimsuit but had never been able to – it was his last connection to swimming. Now he was glad he’d kept it, and cherished it more intensely than he had when he’d actually swam in it.

Closing his eyes, he floated on his back and pushed against the wall with his feet, propelling himself backwards. The feeling of the water brushing against him, caressing him, kissing his injured shoulder, made him ache with longing.

God he missed swimming so much.

He was almost tempted to screw it and try to swim anyway. But his doctor had warned him against it – if he swam anymore, there was a good chance his shoulder would just stop working altogether. As much as swimming meant to him, Sousuke wasn’t willing to completely give up the movement of his shoulder.

Sighing, Sousuke opened his eyes as he gently came to a stop in the middle of the pool. He stared up at the ceiling, floating listlessly. It took him awhile to realize that his face was wet, and it took him even longer to note that it wasn’t chlorine that splashed on his cheeks, but salt. He let his pent up sadness pour into the pool, the only friend and comfort he seemed to have in this world.

Suddenly he heard a splash at the other end of the pool, and Sousuke quickly dipped forward and let himself sink slowly. With his face wet from the pool water, hopefully whoever this intruder was wouldn’t realize that he’d been crying. He opened his eyes underwater, appreciating the burn of chlorine in his eyes, to see a figure swimming freestyle towards him.

His sadness and loneliness swiftly turned into anger as he recognized a familiar black swimsuit with two purple stripes.

Kicking himself forward, Sousuke floated to where he could stand. He stood, crossed his arms, and greeted his pupil with an irritated frown as Nanase stood up in front of him. His frown only deepened when the freestyler shook the water out of his hair, splashing Sousuke. He didn’t appreciate that form of getting soaked by the pool.

“What are you doing here?” He practically growled. He wasn’t very happy that the bane of his existence was here to interrupt his comfort, or what little he could get of it from floating in the pool.

“I was going to ask you that.” Nanase just _stared_ at him; that blank stare that Sousuke so despised.

Sousuke averted his gaze stubbornly and began to walk sluggishly back to the shallow end. He didn’t feel like answering, and so he didn’t. The last thing he wanted to do was have a soul talk with this heartless bastard. What right did Nanase have to knowing his personal problems? Well, he was the cause of most of them, but that was even more of a reason why he didn’t deserve to know.

“Wait.” Nanase easily caught up to him by swimming and caught Sousuke’s arm as he surfaced again. Sousuke’s irritation rose; now the bastard was teasing him by painfully showing how he could swim and he couldn’t.

“What the hell do you want?!” Sousuke snapped as he ripped his arm away from Nanase.

“Your eyes.” The swim pupil pointed pointlessly at Sousuke’s face. “You were crying.”

“I wasn’t; it was just the chlorine!” Sousuke winced at the lameness of the excuse. It was the best he could come up with in his upset state, but he had to admit it’d sounded better in his head.

Nanase just stared at him again, seeming not to take his excuse. Sousuke tsked and started walking slowly away again. His pupil could demand an answer all he wanted, but that didn’t mean he was going to get one.

To his relief, Nanase didn’t speak up again. Sousuke finally made it to the edge of the pool and delicately lifted himself out, leaning most of his weight on his left arm. However, even with his caution, his right arm still gave out from under him; he had really damaged it the last time he’d gone swimming against doctor’s orders, and now it was so weak he could barely use it. He slid pathetically back into the pool, grunting in pain as he hit his chin on the edge of it. He stood leaning over the edge of the pool, his right arm dangling uselessly. This was beyond embarrassing; he could feel his pupil’s eyes on his back.

“You must pity me.” Sousuke found himself talking, though he wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was because he felt this degree of embarrassment deserved an explanation. Or maybe he had been so lonely for so long that he couldn’t pass up the chance to really talk to someone. “A pathetic excuse of a man who can’t even get out of the pool by himself.”

Nanase didn’t reply again, and Sousuke sighed in anger. Of course, the one time he actually wanted the little bastard to talk to him… Loneliness settled hard on him again. He might as well have been talking to air.

However, his pupil was suddenly above him on the pool deck, reaching down to place his hands under Sousuke’s shoulders. The swim coach stared at him in stunned shock and, though he was indignant and ashamed by the fact he needed help, laced his good arm around Nanase and let the freestyler pull him out of the pool.

“I don’t pity you,” Nanase finally answered after they got Sousuke out of the pool. It had taken longer than they both had expected, mainly because Nanase was a small person, and even in the shape he was in, it was hard to pull a big man like Sousuke out by himself; especially since Sousuke had been able to provide nothing but dead weight.

Now he was shocked as he looked up at his pupil, who was smiling softly for the first time in all the time that Sousuke had known him. “How can I pity the man who’s skilled enough to teach me to be an Olympic swimmer?”

Sousuke swallowed thickly. He’d never thought about it like that before – he had always seen himself as a no one, standing quietly aside as he envied those swimming out their dreams. It had never really occurred to him that he could consider himself the driving force of those achievements. Did he really have something that other people could envy? Was there really something else he was good at besides swimming?

Finding that he couldn’t look his pupil in the eye, Sousuke stared down at the pool deck that was slowly developing a puddle of water from his and Nanase’s dripping forms. They were just sitting there, neither moving a muscle, and Sousuke found himself crying again. Even if he was good at coaching, it was nowhere near the same as being able to swim himself.

“You have no idea what it’s like to be unable to swim,” Sousuke murmured, his voice breaking. “Imagine that the most important thing in the world to you was locked in a cage in your room that you didn’t have a key for. It would be right there, but you couldn’t have it.”

Nanase looked down, silent, and Sousuke decided to take it as a blessing. He felt slightly better about crying in front of the other when he wasn’t looking. His pupil surprised him when his tears stopped, however, by dramatically taking his hand in his and looking deep into his eyes.

“I’ll swim for you. Every stroke, every kick I’ll do twice as hard for you.”

The line was so cheesy and unexpected, coming from his pupil, that Sousuke couldn’t help but start laughing. This was all just so ironic: could the person who’d caused all his problems really be the solution? What would it even do? He still couldn’t swim. But… Sousuke found that he was warmed by the thought: no one had ever offered to swim for him. Everyone had just gazed at him with pity and then moved along. Now here was Nanase, barely acquainted with Sousuke, offering him the help he’d always longed for.

“Thanks, Nanase; no one’s ever offered to do that for me before.” Sousuke met his pupil’s eyes with a soft smile. “You sure as hell better win the Olympics.”

“Haru.” This time it was Nanase that looked away. He just stared at the pool, as if it would solve all of his problems. “You can call me Haru.”

“I appreciate that… Haru.” Sousuke, smiling, marveled at the fact that they were jumping to such informalities when he had hated the other up until… well, up until a few minutes ago. As he reflected upon it, he wondered how his pupil had been able to win over his trust so fast. Maybe he was a lot lonelier than he’d thought.

Haru raised his head again. He almost looked guilty. “Sorry for intruding on your alone time. Do you want me to leave?”

He began to rise, and Sousuke was surprised to feel a slight panic in his heart. At this point he really didn’t care who it was – he just didn’t want to be alone anymore. He reached up and grabbed Haru’s arm, much to his student’s surprise. “Uh, no…. Would you care to float with me?”

Haru hesitated, but then he sent him that rare small smile again. He nodded his confirmation and the two slipped back into the pool.

As Sousuke pushed off the wall again, and he floated in the middle of the pool with Haru right next to him, he felt a peace that hadn’t been there earlier. As he reflected on his thoughts, he realized that the horrible loneliness that had eaten up his entire waking moments had disappeared.

 

\--

 

Sousuke and Haru walked side-by-side, relishing the squelch of water on their feet and the smell of chlorine in the air. A dull roar pounded in the background as they took in the magnificent sight before them: a fifty meter pool, clear and clean as a wine glass. Sousuke gazed at the pool, powerful longing awakening in his heart as he watched the other swimmers warming up.

He was finally here. Here, at the official pool of the Olympics – the pool of his dreams.

If only he could swim.

Instructing Haru to start warming up, Sousuke hung back and scratched angrily at his shoulder. He had to wear his stupid brace again, and it _itched!_ Like hell! Why did his shoulder always have to ruin his mood?! It always made itself noticeable when he was finally feeling some kind of satisfaction. Gods, how he wished he could swim!!

Trying to distract himself, the swim coach critically eyed the other swimmers. They were good; crazy good. Suddenly doubting himself, Sousuke wondered if Haru would be able to place. His pupil was good on his own, and he had improved a lot since Sousuke had started working with him, but would it be enough? What if Sousuke’s coaching was really just shit? The swim coach could see his boss in the stands, eyes locked on Haru. Sousuke swallowed nervously.

He didn’t know what he’d do if he lost this job.

A whistle blew in the distance, telling the swimmers that warm-up time was over and the real deal was about to begin. Knowing Haru didn’t swim until later, Sousuke waded through the sea of people to find his pupil and stand next to him. He was so insecure and nervous that he was starting to feel his anxiety and depression build up again. Having Haru there helped a little.

However, while he was scanning for his pupil, a different voice called out to him.

“Sousuke?”

The swim coach stopped dead in his tracks. As much as he’d tried to forget it, he _knew_ that voice; it was forever locked in his memory and in his heart. Wondering if he should pretend he didn’t hear, Sousuke kept plowing ahead through the crowd. Suddenly, however, the voice came again by his side, and he knew that he wouldn’t be able to avoid him now. Heaving a heavy sigh, dread and pain building up in his heart, Sousuke turned to face Rin.

“Rin.” Sousuke wondered if he sounded as hurt as he felt.

Rin’s face brightened. “Sousuke, it is you! It’s been so long!”

The shark held his fist up for a fist bump, but Sousuke found he couldn’t return the gesture. Their old sign of friendship just hurt him; it wasn’t like it signified anything anymore. Rin had abandoned him, and the last thing the swim coach wanted to do was get sucked back into the shark’s stupid games again. All he wanted was to forget about him and learn how to move on.

They stood there awkwardly for a while, people pushing against them as they tried to get through. Eventually Rin’s face fell and he dropped his arm. Sousuke felt anger rise in him at the shark’s hurt expression, and he found he had to look away. Rin had _no_ right to act like he was the victim.

“Well, Sousuke,” Rin quickly recovered and plastered a smile back on his face. “I’m glad to see you’re swimming again! Why didn’t you tell me you were back in the game?”

“Because I’m not,” Sousuke growled. His fists clenched at his sides. “How many times do I have to tell you that I can’t swim anymore?”

Rin faltered. “Then what are you doing here?”

“Sousuke.” The swim coach heard Haru’s voice as the man came through the crowd towards him. Closing his eyes and sighing, Sousuke waited the few seconds it took Haru to realize who he was talking to. “… Rin.”

“Haru! I thought I’d run into you here!” Rin laughed, his mood quickly changing as he turned to address Haru. Bitterness rose in Sousuke’s stomach and his eyes narrowed in pain as he was, once again, forgotten. Rin blabbered on and on to Haru about something that Sousuke didn’t listen to; he was too angry and upset to. Just as he was starting to forget Rin, just as he was starting to forgive Haru, just as he was starting to heal, this had to happen. As he stared at the ground, his fists clenching and unclenching, Sousuke thought he saw Haru glance at him out of the corner of his eye. Anger rose in him; was Haru pitying him? Because he sure as hell didn’t need that right now.

Feeling like he was going to retch from the anger and pain in his gut, Sousuke turned to walk away. He didn’t know where he would walk to – he just knew he had to get away. Away from Rin, away from Haru, away from the past, away from the _pain_. Sousuke felt sobs choke up in his throat and it took all of his willpower to constrain them as he began to walk away, roughly pushing through the crowd.

“Sousuke.” Haru was suddenly by his side, keeping pace with him.

“Leave me alone,” Sousuke growled, hating his voice for cracking, hating the informalities, hating Haru for caring.

“Hey, where are you guys going?!”

Great. Now Rin was following, too. Sousuke clenched his teeth as he willed himself to walk faster: he had to get away. However, the two swimmers kept following him, weaving through the crowd against all odds and keeping pace with him.

Sousuke found himself in a secluded area of the locker rooms when he finally couldn’t take it anymore. He turned around abruptly, growling a little as Haru bumped into him, and slammed his fist against the wall. Everything hurt, and he was barely constraining angry tears as he shouted, “Go the hell away; leave me alone!”

“I’m not leaving you alone.” Haru’s voice was so quiet that Sousuke was sure he was the only one who heard. The swim coach flinched. He hated that Haru knew how vulnerable he was. He knew that Sousuke suffered from bouts of depression and loneliness; he knew that he cried whenever he was alone; he knew that being alone was actually the last thing he wanted.

“Sousuke, I don’t understand what’s going on!” Rin shouted loudly. As the swim coach looked up at him, he was annoyed to see that the shark was about to burst into tears.

“That’s no surprise,” Sousuke growled as he glared at his old friend. “You never did bother to try and understand me.”

“The hell is that supposed to mean?!” Rin visibly grew angrier, his tears quickly forgotten, which also annoyed the swim coach. The shark stomped up to him and grabbed a fistful of Sousuke’s jacket, yanking down on it to force the swim coach to glare down at him. Sousuke’s gut churned and he grabbed Rin’s wrist tightly.

“Just as always, you’d rather blow your top than try to understand someone.” Sousuke narrowed his eyes before he pulled Rin off of him and pushed him back. His voice was getting louder, but at that point he really didn’t care. “Don’t come at me with signs of friendship and expect it to be returned when you never gave a rat’s ass about me!”

Rin looked like he’d been punched in the face. “Sousuke, I—”

“I was only ever your friend for convenience’s sake, and don’t even _try_ to deny that! When you were stuck in a rut in Australia, you never thought to turn to me; what are friends for if not helping each other through hardship?! As soon as you figured out I wasn’t a fan of relays, you abandoned me and went to swim with _him_ ,” Sousuke shot Haru a heated glare, which he met with an impassive expression, “And now that I completely wrecked my shoulder, for _you_ , I find that you came back from Australia and _never_ contacted me. You’d rather be with Haru than with me. And somehow that makes you think that I want to be your friend after all of the shit I’ve gone through, that you can force yourself back into my life whenever you want to and kick me around again.

“Well I’m sick of it, Rin.” Sousuke was crying now. “I’ve lost the ability to do the only thing that was important to me – the last thing I want is fake friendship from someone that I wanted to care about me with all of my heart.”

His outburst was met with silence. Sousuke’s breathing sounded loud in his ears, and he found he couldn’t lift his face to look at anyone in the room. Tears were streaming down his face, and he was ashamed by the fact.

After a while, Rin started to speak up. Sousuke could hear the anger in his voice, and he sighed painfully. He really couldn’t deal with that. “Listen here, Sousuke—!”

“Rin,” Haru interrupted. It was the first thing he’d said in a while. “Don’t.”

The shark looked indignant, but he bottled up whatever he was going to say. Sousuke felt him staring at him, but he couldn’t meet his gaze. Somehow he knew that Rin didn’t think he’d done anything wrong; he was that kind of person. He believed that everyone’s troubles were the fault of themselves, not someone else. He believed you could only be responsible for yourself.

Sousuke loved and hated that about him.

“Well, my race is coming up soon,” Rin stated confidently. He turned to walk away, but looked back with one parting sentence, “I’ll be waiting for you on the block, Haru.”

Scratch that. Sousuke hated that about him.

When the redhead was gone, all of the strength seeped out of Sousuke’s body. He sunk to the floor, his good shoulder leaning against the wall and pulled his knees to his chin as he rested his face in his arms. He sensed Haru sit down across from him; he wasn’t sure if he was comforted or annoyed by the fact. While part of him wanted to be left alone to cry in peace, the other, bigger, part of him wanted human comfort, to at least be able to pretend that someone cared about him.

Haru didn’t say anything for a long time – he just sat there, his presence alone offering a great comfort to Sousuke. When he did speak, it was long after Sousuke had stopped crying and was just staring blankly into space. He knew his eyes were red and he resisted the urge to rub them.

“So this is why you always wanted to race me.”

Sousuke laughed, the dry laugh that lacked humor. He raised his arm and leaned his cheek on it, staring down at the ground; he couldn’t meet Haru’s gaze. “I thought maybe if I showed I was a better swimmer than you, he would come back to me. One of many silly acts of desperation.”

“It’s not silly.” Haru moved over to sit next to Sousuke. The swim coach soon found a tentative hand on his back, and was surprised by the strong urge that awoke in him to lean against his pupil. “He was your best friend.”

“Emphasis on the ‘was,’” Sousuke murmured. He felt like he was going to cry again. Without even really thinking about it, he gave in to his urge and leaned his head on Haru’s shoulder; he felt his pupil flinch a little in surprise, but he really didn’t care anymore. He was tired of being alone.

They elapsed into silence once more. Sousuke was surprised to note that he felt comfortable –it was kind of nice to just rest his head on Haru’s shoulder and have a comforting hand on his back. Perhaps _soothing_ was the right word. He never thought he’d admit it, but he was glad that Haru was there; if it had been anyone else, he would be crying alone in a bathroom somewhere and nothing would be solved. However, Haru was there, and he wasn’t alone anymore. Yeah, he’d taken Rin away from him in the first place, but logically Sousuke couldn’t really blame him for that. It wasn’t like he did it on purpose. And besides, he could’ve run off with Rin just then.

But he didn’t. He was with Sousuke.

“Thanks, Haru,” Sousuke found himself mumbling. Haru didn’t answer, besides tightening his grip on Sousuke’s shirt, but the swim coach realized he didn’t mind that.

 

\--

 

By the time Sousuke composed himself enough to go out in public again, Haru’s race was up. The swim coach had never been more grateful in that moment that his pupil hadn’t been pitted against Rin; he could watch the race with only one thought in mind.

Winning.

Haru was enrolled in the men’s 200m freestyle, and if he won the preliminaries he would proceed to the semi-finals. If he won from there, he would enter the final round. And then, if he won that, it would mean Olympic Gold.

That was the goal. It had been Sousuke’s dream since he was a child; he’d always loved watching the Olympic swimmers, going so fast that it had once blown his mind. He’d wanted to do that. He’d wanted to swim as hard as he could and feel the satisfaction as he passed the best swimmers in the world to stand on the podium, a gold medal in his hands. Though he knew he couldn’t do that now, he’d have to settle for second best.

Haru would win. He had to believe that.

A whistle blew in the distance. The swimmers, including Haru, stepped up onto their respective blocks. The tension was already killing Sousuke. He bit his fingernails as his pupil glanced over at him, one more time, before putting on his goggles.

“Take your marks.” Haru leaned down, his hands grasping the block. Sousuke tightened his grip on his elbow.

The buzzer blared. Haru dived. Sousuke felt a rising sense of hope: that was the best dive he’d ever seen out of his pupil. They’d worked on dives for a solid two weeks before the race, as the swim coach knew that starting right and on time made eons of a difference in swimming. Apparently his pupil had learned something.

Sousuke’s eyes never left Haru. His pupil had pulled ahead right before the first flip turn and was now in the lead on the second lap. The swim coach hoped he remembered their pacing drills.

The 200m was an odd, and tough, event for pacing. If you sprinted too hard, you’d wear yourself out before you made it to the second hundred. However, you couldn’t go too slow either, like you would on the 500m, because then everyone else would pull ahead of you. It took a careful balance of pacing; not too slow, not too fast. Most people couldn’t pull it off effectively. However, Sousuke knew that everyone in this race would be able to; they wouldn’t be swimming it otherwise. He hoped Haru’s training would shine in this moment: they’d worked for three months on his pacing. Sousuke firmly believed that if you did it so much that it was like second nature then it would help in moments of pressure.

The hard work seemed to be paying off.

Haru hit the second flip turn before anyone else, pulling ahead even further on the third lap. Sousuke began muttering to himself, nervousness skyrocketing in him. His pupil was so close; if he didn’t screw up, he could do it.

The last flip turn. Sousuke’s heart leaped to his throat when he saw his pupil’s feet bang on the side of the pool; he’d misjudged that one. He winced in sympathy. He knew from experience that doing that hurt like hell.

For a moment, Sousuke thought it had cost him. However, Haru soon recovered and moved his feet down to push off the wall, a little slower than if he’d hit the turn right. The other swimmers were closing the gap now; however, Haru’s strength lay in his stroke. His strong and even pulls were quickly drawing him away from the others again as he shot for home – the last lap was an all-out sprint no matter what you were swimming.

“Come on, Haru!” Sousuke’s voice was getting louder now as he joined the other coaches in screaming at their pupils.

Haru touched the wall. First. Sousuke’s mouth hung wide open, and he had to pinch himself ten times before he was convinced that what he was seeing was actually happening. He then roared in victory, all of his pent up nervousness and hype erupting from his body, as he pumped his fist in the air.

That was him, forgetting about his shoulder again. Pain shot down his arm and Sousuke winced, his cry cut short. Immediately lowering his arm, he massaged his shoulder, grimacing as it throbbed painfully. Dammit, he was _not_ going to let it ruin his moment!

Trying to ignore the immense pain from his shoulder, Sousuke pushed his way through the crowd until he made it to Haru, who’d just climbed out of the pool. His pupil was soaking wet, but the swim coach didn’t even care as he slapped Haru on the back with his good arm. “Damn, that was some good swimming!”

“Yeah.” Haru gave a small smile before he looked back at the pool. “It was fun.”

“We’ll have to work on your flip turns some more, though,” Sousuke said, half-teasing, as he dragged Haru away from the pool. “You were far enough ahead this time that it didn’t cost you, but you can’t afford to do that in the next round.”

“I know.”

Sousuke glanced down at him. “How are your heels?”

“Fine.” Haru shrugged. Sousuke stared down at his pupil’s feet, not really trusting him to give an honest answer. However, he couldn’t see any bleeding, and Haru was walking fine, so Sousuke assumed that it had only been a momentary pain. They could easily bruise up, though…

“Okay, just make sure to ice them when you get home. They’re gonna hurt like hell if you don’t.” Sousuke stopped and turned to face Haru as they made it to the changing rooms, where Sousuke and Haru had left their stuff. The semi-finals started the next day, so they were free to go home for the night after Haru was done changing. “Do you need a ride back to your place?”

Haru just stared at him for a bit. Before Sousuke could wonder if he was in more pain than he let on (because seriously, it was a yes or no question – it didn’t require that much thought), Haru surprised him. “Can I sleep over?”

“Huh?” Sousuke deadpanned.

“You shouldn’t be alone.” Sousuke winced as he heard the implied, ‘after what happened with Rin.’ He sighed, reaching up to massage his shoulder again. It was aching like hell, and he knew he’d have to exercise it before he went to bed that night.

“I’m not a child, Haru; I can take care of myself—”

“You cry yourself to sleep.”

Sousuke flinched. “So what, I—”

“I’m staying over.”

Sousuke sighed. There was no point arguing with his pupil when he had that look on his face; he was stubborn when he wanted to be. And really, the swim coach found he didn’t mind the thought of him sleeping over. It would be nice to have company for once, to not be alone at night. “Fine. Hurry up and get changed.”

Haru had a small smirk on his face (Sousuke wanted to punch him; smug bastard) before he walked into the changing room. Sousuke leaned against the wall outside as he waited for him, massaging his shoulder, and sighed yet again.

He wondered why he was slightly excited that Haru was sleeping over.

 

\--

 

Sousuke let Haru into the apartment before he walked immediately over to the cable machine his doctor had given him. Unbuttoning his shirt and taking it off, so that only the brace covered his injured shoulder, the swim coach grabbed the handle and gingerly pulled the wire out. He could feel the stretch in his shoulder and he sighed as the pain began to subside. He then called to Haru, “Help yourself to whatever’s in the fridge. Sorry there isn’t much.”

He heard Haru’s feet pad away and felt himself relax a little as he continued his isometric exercises. The day had been harrowing; even the high he’d gotten from Haru’s win wouldn’t be enough to completely overcome that. He went through enough emotional turmoil in a day without having to deal with Rin, so the day’s events had really worn him out.

All he wanted to do was sleep.

But he had to take care of his stupid shoulder first. It was beyond repair at that point (physical therapy could only do so much), but doing the exercises did help lessen the pain when it got really bad. Besides, Sousuke couldn’t help but hope that maybe, if he really kept off his shoulder and kept up the isometric exercises, it would heal again. He knew it was farfetched, but what else did he have to hope for? Just some shattered dreams and an unrealistic friendship; believing anything was better than that.

Sniffing, Sousuke was drawn out of his thoughts by the scent of fish blowing through the air. The swim coach was confused. Had Haru really found something to _cook_ in his fridge? Sousuke couldn’t even remember the last time he’d used his microwave. And not only that, but wasn’t he being a bad host by making his guest cook?

“Haru?” Sousuke called, still pulling on his wire. “Did you actually find something to cook?”

A few seconds later, Haru popped around the corner. Who knew where he’d found them, but he was wearing a large, white chef’s hat and a black apron that was much too big for him. He’d tied a blue handkerchief around his neck in a tidy chef’s knot and his white button-up shirt completed the look of a professional chef.

“You had mackerel.”

Sousuke snorted. “Okay, but you didn’t have to go overboard.”

Haru looked down at his clothes before he shrugged, as if it couldn’t be helped, and returned to the kitchen. Sousuke heard sizzling and his mouth began to water against his will. He hoped some of that mackerel was for him.

“Haru?” Clanging pots was the only response he got. “How much of that are you making?”

Popping his head back around the corner, Haru sent him a teasing glance. ‘A teasing glance’ in Harunese meant a small, almost unnoticeable smirk accompanied by a twinkle of mischief in his eyes. Sousuke was surprised to see it – he didn’t know that the swimmer could have such an emotion in his facial expression bank. “Enough for you.”

“Good.” Chuckling, Sousuke turned back to his exercises as Haru returned to his mackerel. The swim coach pondered on why he felt so appreciative of the fact that Haru was making him dinner. Sure, he’d never been over before, but he could’ve easily just taken something from Sousuke’s fridge or only made something for himself. The fact that he was including Sousuke in the meal made him really happy.

Maybe it had just been so long since he was ever included.

A few minutes later, Haru poked his head into the room again. “It’s ready.”

“Okay, gimme a sec.” Sousuke carefully pushed the cable back into its resting position before he let go and flexed his fingers. He then cautiously rolled his shoulder, wincing a little as a twinge of pain bit his nerves, but was relieved to find that it felt better. It hurt less, and he could move it more without feeling as much pain.

For his annoying shoulder, that was quite an improvement.

After he picked up his shirt and put it back on (after all, it’d be kind of weird if he sat for dinner with Haru half-naked), he joined Haru at the small table squeezed into his kitchenette. He had to find another chair first, since he lived alone and therefore usually ate alone, but after the depths of his closet had saved him he finally sat down across from Haru and looked down at his meal.

A filleted fish lay parallel to the table across a healthy bed of fried rice. It was nice and golden, just the way Sousuke liked his fish, and the rice looked crisped to perfection. A small pile of green beans lay off to the side of the plate, accompanied by a bowl of miso soup. While the swim coach marveled on how the hell Haru had found any of this stuff in _his_ kitchen, said swimmer was now pouring green tea into two cups and placing them before the two of them. Sousuke stared at him in bewilderment.

He didn’t even know he _owned_ a teapot.

“You don’t cook much, do you?” Haru asked as Sousuke picked up his chopsticks, prodding the fish with them. It looked and smelled delicious.

“That’s an understatement,” the swim coach muttered before he picked up some of the fish and placed it into his mouth. The explosion of flavors made his taste buds dance on his tongue and Sousuke couldn’t stop the sigh of contentment that came out of him.

He hadn’t had food that good since he’d left home. In fact, he may never have had food that good, period.

Sousuke began to dig in with vigor, not caring if he was spilling rice all over the place or slurping his miso. Food that good deserved to be enjoyed, not to be picked at and prodded with and stifled with manners. Across the table, Haru was quietly eating his own meal, being a lot neater about it. He was slower, though, and as Sousuke swallowed his last bite (he had to admit he was disappointed by the fact) the swimmer was still quietly munching away.

Leaning back in his chair, Sousuke looked up at the ceiling as he savored the tastes on his tongue. “That was good, Haru. Thanks.”

Finally finishing, Haru carefully placed his chopsticks across his plate. He then stared intently at the tabletop. “… It was nothing.”

“I didn’t know you could cook.” Sousuke eyed him.

Haru just shrugged.

Sighing in slight frustration at the other’s lackluster responses, Sousuke elapsed into silence. He hated to admit it, but he kind of enjoyed talking to Haru. It was nice to pretend that someone liked listening to what he had to say and actually cared that he was saying anything at all. However, the swim coach realized he shouldn’t let himself get too attached: after all, look where that had gotten him with Rin. It was better to just not try and forge friendships with anyone; it was easier on him in the long run.

Loneliness struck him hard, and he was momentarily stunned. He realized with surprise that it’d been a long time since he’d felt lonely.

Had Haru really helped him start to get over Rin?

“Sorry I don’t have a futon for you,” Sousuke said after a long silence, forcing his thoughts away. Haru looked up and met his eyes. “You okay with the couch?”

“… No, I’d prefer to sleep in the bed.” Haru didn’t seem to be joking.

Sousuke gaped. “What the—?! I only have one bed!”

“That’s fine.”

Sousuke’s mouth flapped like a fish. What the hell was Haru’s problem?! He didn’t want to share a bed with him! Screw that! The swim coach debated sleeping on the couch himself before he remembered that his doctor had advised him against it. It wasn’t good for his shoulder, being all scrunched up in a weird position. If he wanted to take the ultimate care of his shoulder, which he did, he had to sleep on a good mattress with supportive pillows.

Which meant they would have to sleep together.

“You realize that means sleeping together, right? Like in the same bed?” Sousuke couldn’t believe that Haru actually understood what he was implying.

“That’s fine.”

It was then that Sousuke realized that he didn’t understand Haru at all.

 

\--

 

With great relief, Sousuke took off the brace as he got ready for bed. The cool air felt great on his shoulder as the tight constriction disappeared. He slowly and carefully rotated the shoulder, wincing as pain spiked down his arm. It still hurt, but wearing the brace had definitely helped. Sousuke glanced at his shoulder and grimaced; he didn’t think he’d ever get used to how angry of a purple it was. Some injuries were hard to see, but Sousuke’s sure as hell was as bad as it looked.

It was then that he realized that Haru’s eyes were glued on him. The other was changing into his pajamas (which consisted of a yellow Iwatobi t-shirt and PJ bottoms covered in mackerels) on the other side of the bed, still apparently insisting that they sleep together. Sighing, Sousuke knew what he was going to say before he even said it.

“I didn’t know it was that bad.”

“Yeah well, welcome to my life,” Sousuke muttered as he threw the brace onto the floor where he’d discarded his shirt. “It sucks.”

Haru made no further comment, which was smart of him, as Sousuke was in no mood to talk about his shoulder. He was constantly reminded of it enough as it was; he didn’t need anyone probing him about it right before he went to bed. Even if it was Haru. Though, as Sousuke killed that thought, he didn’t know why it would make a difference if it was Haru or not. They weren’t friends, really – they just had a tight teacher-student relationship.

Which didn’t explain at all why Haru was perfectly fine with jumping into bed with him.

“… Are you sure you don’t want to sleep on the couch?” Sousuke muttered, uncomfortably aware of how small his bed was. He had a biggish bed because he was a biggish person, but it definitely wasn’t a bed made for two; especially since the swim coach liked sleeping on his back (not to mention it was good on his shoulder). He was close enough that he could feel Haru’s body heat wafting off of him and he shifted uncomfortably. There was a very strict line between him and his pupil that he didn’t allow himself to cross, but the knowledge of his boundaries was making his body fidgety.

“I’m fine.” Haru snuggled into his pillow, his body curving into a ball. His eyes were closed in a matter of seconds.

Sousuke sighed angrily and glared over at Haru before he scooched more onto his side of the bed. At this rate he was going to fall off the bed and he would never get to sleep because of his discomfort. Screw Haru for being able to sleep under such conditions, and screw him for putting Sousuke in the situation in the first place.

Staring up at the ceiling, Sousuke tried to ignore the body next to him and focus on sleeping. He counted sheep, but soon lost count and didn’t have the desire to start over. Eventually he drifted into his thoughts, the ones that usually brought the tears that sent him to sleep.

However, he found that wasn’t the case this time. He found he wasn’t lonely, and that the sleeping Haru next to him was actually a great comfort to his consciousness. He could actually delusion himself into thinking he wasn’t alone, that someone did care about him. And, as he thought more about it, he wondered if it was really a delusion: did Haru care about him? He floated with him in the pool whenever Sousuke’s desires became too much; he comforted him whenever he was upset about Rin; and now, he had insisted on sleeping over after one of the roughest days of Sousuke’s life. With a jolt, Sousuke realized that Haru was preventing him from feeling lonely and sinking deeper into his depression on his worst days.

Now, was it all coincidence, or was it really what Haru was doing?

Sousuke looked over at his bedmate. Haru’s mouth was slightly open as he slept, his face looking emotionless as usual, yet softer than when he was awake. The swim coach had once hated that face; had cursed him with all of his being, taking out his anger and pain on the one person he had despised and envied more than anyone. It was hard to remember how he’d felt then, with the cute, innocent face he was seeing now.

Frowning, Sousuke shook his head. _Cute?_ Jeez, he must really be tired if he thought Haru was cute…

Without any warning, Haru started to cuddle. Sousuke jumped so violently he hurt his shoulder as Haru’s body snuggled into his side and strong arms wrapped around his good arm. Cold feet from icing touched Sousuke’s leg, causing a deep shiver to shoot up his spine. Looking at the other in shock, the swim coach was baffled to note that the swimmer was still asleep. Did Haru subconsciously cuddle things? And if so, why the hell hadn’t he said anything?! Was that the real reason why he wanted to sleep in Sousuke’s bed, so he’d have something to cuddle? Did he even know he did it?!

Sousuke was working himself into a frenzy and he forced himself to take a deep breath. Though it was uncomfortable, and he worried Haru would cut off the circulation in his arm, it wasn’t that bad, right? It wasn’t like he could move, anyway. Besides, it felt kind of nice….

Shaking his head again, Sousuke slammed his head back against his pillow. _Jesus,_ what was wrong with him? His depressed thoughts must be driving him crazy.

And yet, against his will, he felt his face unconsciously nuzzle into Haru’s hair as he drifted into an uneasy sleep.

 

\--

 

Haru smelled like cucumbers.

It wasn’t really a conscious thought, just something Sousuke happened to notice when he woke up groggily to his early alarm. As the swim coach tried to move to turn off the annoying beeping, he realized that he was completely intertwined with the man sleeping next to him. At first, he found nothing wrong with it – he felt warm and cozy, and he was tempted to just ignore his alarm and fall back asleep.

However, his brain soon caught up with him and he realized that he was _cuddling Haru._

Jumping immediately into a sitting position, ripping himself out of Haru’s limbs, Sousuke tried to calm himself. Heart pounding and breathing unsteady, the swim coach wondered how the hell he’d let himself get so _intimate._ Gods, he was glad he’d woken up before his pupil – it would’ve been so embarrassing… Luckily Haru was still asleep, apparently undisturbed by Sousuke’s freak out.

Annoyingly, Sousuke realized that he was blushing darkly. _Dammit_ this was not a good way to start the morning…

Stumbling out of bed, Sousuke finally slammed his alarm off. The pounding in his ears began to clear as the annoying noise subsided. If he got a headache from this, he swore to god…. Sighing, Sousuke massaged his shoulder to check if it needed treatment that morning. It seemed to be fine, so he decided he could lay off the exercises for now.

He hoped he wouldn’t regret that decision later.

Sousuke walked like a zombie into his kitchen, staring at his sink for a moment as he tried to collect his thoughts. Usually the swim coach just crunched on a piece of toast for his breakfast, never having the time or skills to make anything more complicated. However, since Haru had cooked for him the night before, Sousuke wondered if maybe he _should_ try to make something… He thought he might remember how to make waffles. He wondered if Haru liked them.

A noise from behind him startled Sousuke, and he whipped around only to find Haru blinking blearily at him. He had a pillow in one hand while he rubbed his eye with the other; this was all accompanied with a huge yawn. He looked like a child, and Sousuke couldn’t stop himself from thinking that he was absolutely adorable.

Turning around, forcing a blush away, Sousuke had to resist the urge to hit himself in the face with a pan. He _had_ to start controlling his thoughts – this was getting ridiculous.

“Good morning.” Haru’s voice slurred with sleep.

“Mornin’.” Sousuke didn’t dare ask if the swimmer was conscious of what they’d been doing last night. He didn’t want to know.

Haru shuffled past him, heading for Sousuke’s fridge. He opened it, stared inside for a moment, before pulling out the jug of filtered water and pouring himself a glass. The swim coach was slightly concerned to note that it seemed like Haru had lived in his house his entire life. How did he all of the sudden know where everything was?

“Do you like waffles?” Sousuke found himself asking.

Haru paused from taking a sip of his water. “Sure.”

Sousuke’s eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean, ‘sure’?”

“You know how to make them?”

Sousuke stared down at his stove. “I think so.”

“What do you mean, ‘you think so’?”

Haru was teasing him now. Sousuke was slightly annoyed, but he found he was more amused by the whole thing. He liked the playful banter – he hadn’t done anything like that since he was a kid, when he’d always joked around and competed with Rin.

_Rin._ Sousuke sighed. He would do anything to stop thinking about his old friend; however, he had a feeling that was one scar that would never go away. That made two, if he counted his shoulder. He hoped that Haru wouldn’t be pitted against Rin in the next round; heck, he hoped Rin hadn’t made it to the next round at all. Pain stabbed in Sousuke’s chest with the thought. As much as Rin had hurt him, it also hurt him to think against him like that. Part of his dream had been to swim against Rin at the Olympics; that of course meant they both made it to the final round.

Sousuke shook his head violently. God something really was wrong with him.

“Sousuke?” Haru’s voice broke the swim coach’s sudden melancholy. Sousuke glanced over at him. Maybe it was just the sleep in his eyes, but Haru looked genuinely concerned. The swim coach felt a sudden patch of warmth in his chest that he was unable to identify.

“Sorry, I’m just kind of out of it.”

Haru nodded. “I can’t trust you to be cooking, then.”

Sousuke actually laughed. Haru actually looked surprised. He couldn’t blame him: the sound was so uncommon, so unexpected, that the swim coach surprised himself. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed, had been in such a good mood that he could bring himself to laugh. He looked over at Haru, who was softly smiling at him. The warmth patch grew in Sousuke’s chest as he held Haru’s gaze.

Who was this guy who could make Sousuke forget his worries in a moment and laugh?

Leaning against his counter, Sousuke sent Haru a teasing and challenging stare. “Well then. Guess we’ll have to make something together.”

Haru’s smile grew a tiny bit. “I guess so.”

 

\--

 

They ended up having so much fun (at least on Sousuke’s part) making waffles that they were almost late to the Olympics. As it was, they barely had time to eat the waffles before Sousuke was throwing Haru’s duffel bag at him and pushing him into the swim coach’s turquoise Subaru. They were on the road in record time, Sousuke’s foot on the gas, and that probably saved their butts.

Sousuke would’ve been so pissed with himself if he’d gotten Haru disqualified because he’d gotten carried away making breakfast.

When they made it to the pool, they jumped out of the car and ran inside. Haru hurried to the locker rooms to change while Sousuke stormed to the check-in desk to make sure they knew that Haru was there. Luckily, they weren’t too late, and Haru still had time for a half an hour of warm-up.

Sousuke sighed as he watched Haru get in the pool. Meeting time requirements was always so stressful for him, especially since he was so horrible at directions. They had gotten lost at least twice on the way there, despite the fact that Sousuke had been there before. He was just really bad at that kind of thing. Luckily Haru knew his way around somewhat so the swim coach’s inability to know where he was going didn’t cost them. He didn’t know what he would’ve done without Haru.

Pausing, Sousuke frowned at the thought that had just crossed his mind. Why was he suddenly relying on Haru for stuff? Ever since he’d gone to bed last night he’d been having such weird thoughts about his pupil. Was he getting sick? Maybe his stress was really getting to him.

A whistle blew in the distance, snapping Sousuke out of his musings. Deciding that he’d just forget about his weird thoughts, the swim coach waded through the sea of people to go watch Haru. His pupil was in the earlier race this time, so there was only a little time between the warm-up session and his race. Sousuke was glad for that – he would hate to have the chance for Rin to confront him again. That was the last thing he needed after he’d had such a nice morning.

Speaking of which…

Sousuke stopped at the board hanging on the far side of the pool, checking for the names of the swimmers who’d made it to the semi-finals. He saw Rin’s name, which made his heart clench, but he was enrolled in the other preliminary race. Sousuke sighed in relief. He’d lucked out again. Now, if the shark didn’t make it to the final round, assuming that Haru did, the swim coach would have nothing to worry about… He just wished he could find some closure with the whole thing, though. Leaving it so open seemed wrong somehow.

The swim coach was drawn out of his thoughts by another name, the only other one he recognized on the entire board. He drew in a sharp breath.

Michael Phelps. _Michael Phelps_ was swimming in the race with Haru. Sousuke just about fell over.

Michael Phelps had been Sousuke’s childhood hero. He’d been the one to win the 100m and 200m butterfly when the swim coach had first started watching Olympic swimming; not only that, but he’d also won the 200m and 400m IM, as well as several other races. His controlled and beautiful stroke had been Sousuke’s inspiration in learning butterfly. The only reason Sousuke stood where he did now was because Michael Phelps had inspired him from such a young age. And now, unbelievably, he was swimming with Haru. Not only that, but he was in the lane next to him.

Would Sousuke be able to meet him?!

Making his way over to the pool, Sousuke couldn’t stop the excitement that flooded through him. It was twisting his stomach and giving him the jitters, but he just couldn’t help himself.

Meeting Michael Phelps would be a like a dream come true.

Haru happened to walk by Sousuke on the way to the block and he stopped, apparently noticing that the swim coach was practically bouncing on his feet. “Are you okay?”

Sousuke swallowed, his voice thick. “Do you know who you’re swimming next to?”

“No.” Haru was giving him a funny look. “I don’t care.”

“Well, you should care!” Sousuke just about shouted, causing other coaches nearby to shoot him dirty looks. Though he was indignant to their smug attitudes, Sousuke lowered his voice. “You’re swimming next to _Michael Phelps!”_

“Who?”

Sousuke had to resist the urge to strangle his pupil. “How do you not know who Michael Phelps is?!”

“I only recently became interested in pro swimming.” Haru sounded defensive, and Sousuke would’ve laughed if he wasn’t so frustrated with his pupil’s lack of knowledge. However, before he could say anything more, another whistle blew. Haru turned towards the pool. “I have to go.”

“Fine, fine, go,” Sousuke sighed, waving his pupil away. He couldn’t help but feel mildly annoyed, though, as Haru walked away. It didn’t really bother him that much, but seriously? Sousuke would’ve killed to have the honor of swimming next to Michael Phelps and Haru didn’t even know who he was.

That was the least of Sousuke’s worries, however, when Haru stepped up onto the block. Immediately, all of his anxiety came rushing back and he chewed on his lip as his pupil leaned down to grip the block. The semi-finals would be harder to win than the preliminaries, and even though Sousuke believed in Haru, he couldn’t help but be worried and nervous. The nerves from earlier twisting his stomach sure weren’t helping anything, either. Michael Phelps had won at least twenty medals. How would Haru be able to beat a giant like that? If Haru lost, it would be four years before they’d be able to try again.

Sousuke didn’t know if he could stand waiting that long.

“Take your marks.” The swim coach’s eyes trailed to the block next to Haru’s where Michael Phelps was crouched in a flawless diving position. Sousuke couldn’t help but feel conflicted. By rooting for Haru and his dream, he was betting against his childhood hero.

Maybe it was a good thing Haru had no idea who Phelps was. He wouldn’t be so conflicted.

The buzzer screamed, and the swimmers leaped. Haru completed yet another perfect dive and Sousuke felt pride bubbling to the surface. That was _his_ pupil. However, even with his good dive, Haru was having a hard time pulling away from the group like he’d done in the preliminaries. The other swimmers had done good dives too, and Michael Phelps especially was giving Haru a run for his money as they swam neck in neck near the lead.

The race was intense. Sousuke was on the balls of his feet as he watched the swimmers hit the flip turn: Haru was second. His pupil seemed to be remembering his spacing, despite the pressure of Phelps pulling ahead of him on the second lap. Haru wasn’t that far behind, and his last lap sprint was pretty damn fast.

Sousuke hoped it would be enough.

Nearing the second flip turn, Haru managed to pull into a tie with Phelps. They flipped in near unison before shooting into the third lap. Phelps’s kick was stronger than Haru’s, however, and he pulled ahead again.

Surprisingly, Haru started to pick up speed. Sousuke tightened his grip on his elbow as he watched, worried. He knew what his pupil was trying to do: he was trying to catch up to Phelps and put some distance on him before they had to go into the last flip turn. His final sprint was more effective that way. The only problem was that Haru may not have enough stamina to pull it off. Sousuke tried to believe in him, though (it wasn’t like he could change what his pupil had decided, anyway); they’d trained long and hard for so many months that Haru must’ve built up some kind of stamina.

“Come on, Haru,” Sousuke muttered to himself. He ignored the coaches giving him weird looks. They could think he was crazy if they wanted to; hell if he cared.

Somehow, through sheer will or what, Haru pulled ahead at the last second. He hit the flip turn first; Sousuke could see him kicking his hardest right after the turn. When he resurfaced, his strong arms pulled through the water like it was air as he shot forwards in his all-out sprint.

Phelps, however, had the same idea. After he hit the flip turn, milliseconds after Haru, he pulled forward as hard as he could. The two were neck in neck in the final stretch and Sousuke was so nervous that he had upgraded to biting his nails. Both were amazingly good, and they were almost perfectly tied, so it was hard to tell who would win. Each one would keep trying to pull forward, but the other was always hard on their tail.

When they hit the wall, Sousuke couldn’t even tell who had won. It’d been so close. Sudden silence coated the entire pool. The swim coach could barely breathe as he looked up at the board where the swimmers’ times would be posted. Painfully slow seconds passed. And then…

A one. Next to Haru’s name.

Sousuke roared in victory, scaring the coaches that were standing next to him. However, he paid no attention to them. He couldn’t believe it; he just couldn’t believe it! Haru, _his_ Haru had managed to beat reigning champ Michael Phelps and make it to the final round! Sousuke couldn’t be more proud!

Though, as he began to push his way through the crowd to go congratulate Haru, he wondered briefly why he’d called Haru his. His… pupil! Yeah, that was right! Man, he seriously had to stop overthinking things.

Sousuke’s heart flipped in his chest as he saw Michael Phelps and Haru get out of the pool. As if in a dream, Phelps walked over to his pupil and offered his hand for a shake. Haru took it, albeit hesitantly, and Sousuke was instantly jealous. He wanted to shake Phelps’s hand!

_“That was some good swimming,”_ Sousuke heard Michael Phelps say in English to Haru as he neared where the two were standing. The swim coach had studied English throughout middle school all the way to the brief time he’d spent in college, so he had a fairly good grip on the language. The American accent was a bit hard to understand sometimes, but Phelps was speaking slowly enough that Sousuke could follow as he approached them.

Haru, however, seemed to be struggling. _“Thank you… very much.”_ His English was choppy and uncertain; Sousuke had to resist the urge to make fun of him about it. He knew how nerve-racking it was to attempt to speak a foreign language and one had to be delicate in such situations.

_“Are you the coach?”_ Phelps asked as Sousuke finally reached them and gave Haru a pat on the back.

_“Yeah, I am,”_ Sousuke replied, finding it hard to speak around his swelling heart. Michael Phelps was talking to him!! He couldn’t believe it! _“Mr. Phelps, I’ve been a fan of you all of my life! You inspired me to swim butterfly.”_

Phelps laughed and scratched the back of his head. _“Well that’s mighty kind of you! Do you swim much yourself?”_

Sousuke winced. _“Used to. I can’t anymore.”_

_“Injury?”_

_“Swimmer’s shoulder.”_

Phelps winced and made a sound of sympathy. _“Dang, that’s rough. I always have to be careful of that when I’m working out.”_

Sousuke nodded. He was mildly upset that the conversation had turned back to his shoulder, of all things. Michael Phelps seemed to pick up on the hint, however, and he quickly changed the subject. _“Well anyway, you’ve taught Haruka there really well. But next time I plan to win!”_

Phelps shook both Sousuke’s and Haru’s hands (Sousuke would never wash the hand again!) before he gave a small wave and walked away. As his idol retreated, the swim coach couldn’t help but think how weird it was to hear Phelps speak so informally to Haru. Yeah, he knew it was an American custom, but it was still strange. Haru also seemed to find it strange; he had been struggling to follow the conversation, and more than likely didn’t catch half of it, but he did hear his own name.

“What was he saying about me?” The swimmer asked as they walked back to the changing rooms.

“He just said you swam really well. And that he’s going to beat you next year.” Sousuke looked up at the ceiling as they walked, a stupid grin on his face. “But I can’t believe I really got to meet him!”

He thought he heard Haru snort, but he ignored it. Though the first day of the Olympics had been really rough, what with running into Rin and all of that, the second day had been much better. Not only was Haru going to the finals, but Sousuke had been able to meet his childhood hero. Nothing could really be more amazing than that, and the swim coach honestly thought it was the best day of his life. Fueled by his good mood, Sousuke turned towards Haru before he could go into the changing rooms. “Do you want to go to dinner after this?”

Haru looked surprised.

“You cooked me dinner yesterday, so I need to return the favor. My treat,” Sousuke explained. Seeing that Haru was about to complain, the swim coach quickly continued. “And don’t you dare say no. This is my gift to you for swimming so damn well. And my thanks, I guess.”

The swimmer hesitated a little longer before he gave in and agreed. As Haru turned to go change, Sousuke felt another warm spot grow in his chest as he thought he saw a small smile on the other’s face.

 

\--

 

Sousuke took Haru to one of his favorite restaurants: Samurai Noodle. Their food was amazing, and the swim coach had fallen in love with takoyaki because of the restaurant. Not only that, but the best ramen he’d ever had was at that place.

When they sat down, Haru immediately buried himself in the menu. Sousuke didn’t mind the silence, however; he was still jittery from the fact that Haru had won and that he’d been able to meet Michael Phelps, so he needed some time to settle down. Still, though. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had such a good day.

“Today was a really good day,” Sousuke said out loud as he scanned his own menu. He was thinking of getting the white ramen, his usual, but was debating being more outgoing and ordering something different. After all, he’d never had a bad meal at this restaurant.

Haru grunted. “I’m glad.”

“Did you have fun?” Sousuke wasn’t sure why he cared, but for some reason he hoped that Haru had also had a good time. Maybe he was being insecure again and needed to be reassured that Haru _actually_ enjoyed his company and wasn’t just being nice.

Sousuke thought he saw a small smile on Haru’s lips. “Yeah. Though I was not as excited as you about Michael Phelps.”

“Hey,” Sousuke pouted, “You would’ve been excited, too, if it’d been your idol.”

“I don’t have an idol.” Haru peeked over his menu. “Except maybe you.”

Sousuke blanched, sure he hadn’t heard right. _“Me?”_

“You.”

Haru proceeded to say nothing more as he reburied himself in the menu, leaving Sousuke to chew on what he’d said. The swim coach was trying not to overthink it, but he couldn’t help it: what had Haru meant by that? How was he inspirational in any way?? He was just a loser who’d ruined his only dreams by being stupid.

Though as he sat there, considering it further, he found he was warmed by the thought. Maybe Haru really _did_ care about him…

Sousuke frowned. Why did he care so much what Haru thought of him? He definitely hadn’t before. He’d hated him, and even when they’d been friendlier he was just glad for the comfort. He hadn’t ever really cared what Haru thought. Right? So why had that changed? What had changed? Was it because he was starting to accept Haru as a… friend? Sousuke’s chest clenched painfully at that thought. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to cross that line, and yet he yearned for it: he could feel that as clearly as if someone had punched him in the face. He was so lonely, and so depressed; he was sick of it, and he knew he desperately wished for human contact.

He wanted friendship; he needed friendship. And maybe, even something else?

Suddenly feeling sick to his stomach, Sousuke quickly switched back to his usual meal when the waiter came around: a small plate of takoyaki and the white ramen. He didn’t like where his thoughts were going, or even that the possibility had even occurred to him. Haru was just his pupil, _nothing_ more.

… Why did it hurt so bad to think that?

“Haru you need to talk to me,” Sousuke sighed after the waiter had left with both of their orders (Haru had somehow ordered some mackerel ramen that hadn’t been on the menu). “I’m going crazy over here.”

“Why?” Haru met his gaze calmly.

Sousuke found he couldn’t hold it long. “Oh, you know… Just me and my stupid thoughts again.”

Haru nodded, but didn’t say anything more. Sousuke blew hot air into his face in frustration, making his bangs float in the air momentarily. He then shot a teasing glance at his dinner mate. “You’re bad at this whole conversation thing, aren’t you?”

“I don’t know what to say.” Haru looked offended, and Sousuke couldn’t help but snort a little in laughter.

“Alright, I’ll prompt you. Tell me about your family.”

It took a ridiculously long time (they were well into their meal by then), but Sousuke was able to weasel sentences out of Haru until they were having an actual conversation. They talked about everything and anything: Sousuke’s family, Haru’s strange obsession with cats, Sousuke’s beloved Rottweiler, Sho (who lived at his mom’s house because his current apartment didn’t allow pets), Haru’s reasons for why he started swimming, Sousuke’s opinion on professional butterfly.

Somehow they got onto the topic of Rin, and Sousuke somehow let slip how badly he missed the shark’s friendship, or just any friendship. He found himself on the verge of tears, despite the good day he’d had, and admitted that the only thing he wanted was a solid friend.

“I’m your friend.” Haru was so serious he stopped eating his mackerel ramen and put down his chopsticks.

Sousuke froze. He was afraid of how much his heart soared at those words, of how much he wished that was true. He shook his head, trying to dispel the thoughts. He couldn’t let himself get sucked in again… Even if Haru was nice, even if he was different from Rin, that didn’t change the fact that there would likely be a day when he got tired of Sousuke and left to never return. The swim coach didn’t think he could handle it if that happened again. “You don’t know how much I wish that was true.”

“It is true.” Haru leaned forward a little, meeting Sousuke’s gaze again. Slowly he reached out and laid a comforting hand on Sousuke’s slightly trembling hand. “I’m your friend.”

And then, as Sousuke held Haru’s gaze, he felt warmth spread through his chest and he turned his hand over so he could grip Haru’s hand. The warm feeling spread even more as he felt his pupil squeeze back. Tears started welling up in his eyes and he had to blink them away. He didn’t really know what this meant, but there was no doubt that Haru wasn’t lying. And besides, could Sousuke really justify denying it anymore?

Haru was his friend.

“Thank you, Haru.” Sousuke found himself smiling. “You don’t know how much that means to me.”

Haru tilted his head a little to the side. “Actually, I think I do.”

Sousuke laughed a little. “I guess you would.”

However, his laughter soon died in his throat. As he looked at Haru, and saw the small smile on his face, he suddenly identified the warmth flooding through his bloodstream. It had been so _obvious_ ; he didn’t know how he hadn’t seen it before. Suddenly everything made sense: this was why he felt so much better whenever Haru was around. This was why he cared so much about what the other thought about him. This was why he’d been having all of those weird thoughts earlier. This was why Haru was the only person who could make him laugh.

_Oh shit._

And suddenly his world was crashing down around him.

He felt his shoulder start to throb painfully, but he tried to act natural as he excused himself to the bathroom. Haru didn’t seem to notice that anything was wrong and went back to eating as Sousuke tried his hardest not to run for the shelter of the toilet.

When he got there, he quickly unbuttoned his shirt and pushed it down his right arm a little to expose his shoulder to air. The cold breeze stung, numbing the pain, but it didn’t help the clenching in Sousuke’s chest. This couldn’t be happening. It just _couldn’t_. He couldn’t allow himself to feel anything of the sort, to open himself so fully, to trust someone. Even if it was Haru… His newly found friend, Haru…

_Oh god._

Mindlessly, Sousuke punched the mirror. Pain throbbed through his fist as the glass shattered and he winced as blood flowed down his hand. However, it was better than the ache in his shoulder; it was better than the ache in his chest; it was better than knowing he wanted something he could never have; it was better than realizing that he could ruin his newly found friendship at any moment.

This was why he’d resolved to never let anyone in.

Sousuke leaned intently on the sink, panting as he stared at his broken reflection in the mirror. Teal eyes and a purple shoulder stared angrily back. His fist was still bleeding from where he’d punched the glass, and tears threatened to stream down his face as he realized the sad and ugly truth.

_Good god I’m in love with Haru._

He wasn’t sure for how long he stood there. He knew Haru would start to worry about him the longer he stayed put, but he couldn’t get himself to go out there. Not with what he knew. Not when he had a _crush_ on him. Hell, what was he even supposed to say to him? He could never share his feelings. He didn’t want to ruin what friendship he had. He was afraid that, if he shared his feelings, it would weird Haru out and he would leave him all alone in the world again.

But would friendship be enough?

It would have to be. It was, to a certain extent. It had drawn him from the brink of depression and despair; Haru had saved him when no one else could or would. But there was no way he felt the same way. Haru was probably asexual, with the way he went around in his quiet and innocent manner. That would really be Sousuke’s luck, falling in love with a guy who didn’t even like people like that.

The more he thought about it, the more depressed he felt. He should go back to Haru. There were ways to survive friendship without throwing in his feelings. And of the chance that maybe, possibly, Haru felt the same way…

Sousuke shook his head. No way would that happen. But he would sure as hell fight to keep his friendship.

After what seemed like hours, Sousuke walked back out of the bathroom. He’d thrown away the little pieces of glass that had pierced his skin and had washed the injury several times to make sure it wouldn’t get infected. Wrapping his fist in paper towels after he’d wiped off most of the blood, Sousuke stared at himself in the mirror as he sloppily re-buttoned his shirt. He felt mostly composed; however, as he walked back to the table with a cloud of paper towels around his hand, he wondered how the hell he would explain what had happened. It wasn’t like Haru wouldn’t notice.

When he reached the table, he sat down without a word. Haru stared at him, bug-eyed. “What happened?”

“Um…” Sousuke scrambled for an excuse. “I cut it on the flush.”

“That’s possible?” Haru was skeptical. Sousuke tried not to flinch under his questioning gaze.

“Apparently.”

Haru made a noncommittal grunt, as if he didn’t believe his swim coach, but Sousuke left it that way. There was no way he would ever explain what had actually happened. After all, he couldn’t say he just punched a mirror because he was angry. Haru knew he wasn’t a violent person; he just looked scary at first glance.

Sousuke sat in relative silence for a few moments, playing with his ramen. He’d lost his appetite, and he was so embarrassed and ashamed by his feelings that he couldn’t meet Haru’s gaze.

Soon enough, however, Haru wrestled him into talking. _Haru,_ the man who never said more than a few words a sentence. Sousuke felt his heart throb – Haru knew him well enough to know that he always felt better when he got a conversation going. He knew him well enough to know that he was upset about something and needed something to distract him.

Why was he so nice to him? Why was he so perfect?

Eventually they got back to their previous conversational status. Minute by minute Sousuke found himself relaxing: he was capable of having a normal conversation without revealing his feelings for Haru. Maybe it would be easier than he thought to hide his crush. Maybe he could keep his friendship.

“Can I sleep over again?” Haru asked when they had paid and were leaving the restaurant.

Sousuke flinched and felt a blush start to creep up his face. He forced it away. “Why?”

“Why not?”

Jaw firmly set, the swim coach found he didn’t have a good answer for that. And so, even though it made his heartbeat accelerate and his stomach flop with nerves, he let Haru sleep over again.

 

\--

 

Sousuke woke up the next morning, completely tangled with Haru. The man had insisted on sleeping in the same bed again, and of course had then started subconsciously cuddling again, but the swim coach found he didn’t mind as much this time around. It was comfortable, and he liked being able to delude himself first thing in the morning.

It made the reality easier to accept.

Pulling himself out of Haru’s warm embrace, Sousuke sat up and blinked sleepily at the clock. He’d woken up before his alarm and, as he glanced out his bedroom window, he saw that the sunrise hadn’t happened yet. Feeling a strange sense of excitement, the swim coach gingerly got out of bed and stumbled into his living room. From there he walked to the windows that opened to his balcony and threw them open. Stepping outside, appreciating the cool breeze ruffling his tank top and kissing his shoulder, Sousuke leaned on the railing and stared at the sky as the sun began to rise.

He’d always loved watching the sunrise. He hadn’t had the chance since he was a kid, but the warm colors spreading over the night’s darkness always filled him with hope and awed him with beauty. There was nothing quite like it, in his opinion.

As the colors stretched across the sky, Sousuke felt more than heard Haru join him on the balcony. The other said nothing, which the swim coach appreciated. He didn’t want to taint the tranquility of the morning with his confused relationship with Haru (which of course he didn’t know about); however, it was nice to have company as the sun rose further in the sky.

He’d always watched the sunrise alone.

It was when the sun was fully in the sky, and Sousuke had dropped his gaze, that Haru spoke up. “You have a nice view.”

“Yeah.” Sousuke smiled as he leaned his head on his arms. “It was part of the reason why I got the apartment.”

“What were the other reasons?”

“It’s cheap,” Sousuke sighed before he pushed himself up off the railing. Another reason was that he had to leave Samezuka Academy; he had to leave behind the town where his happiness had died. However, he really didn’t want to go into that. He was tired of bringing up Rin all the time, thinking about him non-stop. If Haru really was trying to distract him, then bringing up the shark all the time wasn’t the best idea.

“Are you hungry?” Sousuke said instead, quickly changing the subject. If Haru noticed, he made no comment.

A small smirk rose on his lips. “Depends – are you cooking?”

“Ha ha, very funny,” Sousuke snorted sarcastically. He looked at Haru as the sun shone behind him, making him look majestic and divine. Jeez, Mother Nature was even trying to make the swimmer _look_ like a saint… Shaking his thoughts away, the swim coach could only laugh at himself. He was such an idiot; he had to stop thinking things like that. Haru would never be more than a friend.

Haru was suddenly standing really close to him, and Sousuke couldn’t stop himself from flinching back. He looked down at his pupil in surprise.

“Do you want to make waffles together again?”

“Uh…” Distracted by his pupil’s close proximity, Sousuke stuttered around before he could give a coherent response. “S-sure.”

Haru raised an eyebrow at him before he turned around and padded back into the house. Sousuke watched him go for a moment, trying to calm his faster heartbeat. Man, he didn’t think it was possible to be more ashamed of one’s feelings. He hated that he’d fallen so quickly and so hard for Haru, and he hated that he wanted someone to rely on after he’d had such a bad falling out with Rin. He hated that he needed human comfort, needed it so badly that it hurt.

And yet, as he followed Haru back into his apartment and messed around with him in the kitchen, he realized that it’d been forever since he’d felt that peaceful.

 

\--

 

They weren’t late this time. Yet.

“You’re lost.” If Haru could ever sound angry, he definitely did then. “We’ve been there twice and you still got lost.”

Sousuke tightened his grip on the wheel and clenched his teeth. He was just as frustrated with himself and his bad directional skills, but he definitely wasn’t going to let that show. “Shut up. If you knew where we were supposed to go, why the hell didn’t you say anything?”

“I thought you’d know where to go by now.”

“Well, newsflash, I’m bad at directions.”

“No kidding.”

Growling under his breath, Sousuke pulled over into a quiet residential area and parked the car. He reached over Haru to pull his map out of the glove department and spread it out over the wheel. He scanned over it, flipping it multiple times as he tried to figure out where they currently were.

“You live here and you have to use a map.”

Sousuke had to literally bite his tongue to prevent him from saying something rude. The bastard, Haru was just asking for a punch in the face. The swim coach leaned towards sarcasm instead. “I’m sorry I’m not as perfect as you.”

Haru sighed. “Here, switch. I’ll drive.”

“No, I can do this.” Sousuke knew he was being stubborn, but he really didn’t want to rely on Haru for any more things. He was already relying too heavily on him for emotional support, to the point that he had a _crush_ on him for gods’ sake. Plus, he’d been working so hard to improve his sense of direction that he didn’t want to give in yet. He also had to admit he didn’t like the idea of anyone else driving his car. He gave Haru a skeptical look. “Can you even drive?”

Haru pouted. That was the best way to describe it. His eyebrows were set in a way that on anyone else it would look angry but on Haru it just looked like a kid about to throw a tantrum. Sousuke wondered if the freestyler knew how cute he could be. “Do you want to be late or not?”

Sousuke gave in. How could he not, with that face? Besides, he definitely didn’t want to make them late again because he was being stubborn. And so, though he was bitter about it, he switched places with Haru and grumpily sat in the passenger’s seat.

Haru was a surprisingly good driver. He kept within the speed limit and had a calm control over the car. Turns were made smoothly and efficiently and the swim coach didn’t even have to remind him about his blinkers. Sousuke had to admit he was impressed: he thought Haru only knew how to swim and take public transport.

With Haru driving, they weren’t late. The freestyler had plenty of time to check in and warm-up after he’d masterfully parked the car (Sousuke was bitter about that, too). While his pupil disappeared into the changing rooms, Sousuke wandered over to the list of names to check who had made it to the finals. He was already dreading what he would see: he simultaneously wanted and didn’t want Rin’s name to be on the list.

He wanted Rin to be on the list because the shark had worked so hard for this moment. He had hit every rock possible on his way to reaching his dream, and yet still stood up again and pushed forward. Sousuke admired him for that, and he didn’t want to see that spirit crushed. There was also still the part of him that felt kinship towards Rin, the part of him that wanted to root for him and support him until the very end.

He didn’t want Rin to be on the list because that would mean that he completed his dream while Sousuke was falling further and further away from it. If Haru won, that’d be great, but would it really be Sousuke’s victory? If he faced the facts, the swim coach knew that his dream was over; it was impossible. There was nothing he could ever do to work towards it except exercise his shoulder and pray it healed. Sousuke wasn’t sure if he could stand it if Rin snatched his dream right from under his feet; him winning was like Sousuke losing and that thought hurt him so badly that he almost considering just ditching Haru and burying himself in a hole somewhere.

That feeling only strengthened when he read the names on the board.

Haruka Nanase – lane 4. Mark Spitz – lane 1. Roland Matthes – lane 2. Ian Thorpe – lane 5. Alexander Popov – lane 6. And, in lane 3…

Rin Matsuoka.

Sousuke’s heart clenched painfully. Of course Rin would proceed to the finals. _Of course_ he would be swimming in the lane right next to Haru. Sousuke’s eyes burned and he found he had to sit down on a bench a distance away from the board. Resting his elbows on his knees, the swim coach hung his head as he tried not to think about his conflicted emotions.

_Goddammit._

“You okay?” Haru was suddenly standing in front of him and Sousuke sighed. Of course Haru would find him. “You’re upset.”

Sousuke didn’t move, didn’t even lift his head. “Check the board.”

There was silence while Haru walked over to the board to look. When he came back, Sousuke was met with more silence. It was only broken by a small, “Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh.” Gritting his teeth, Sousuke pinched the bridge of his nose. He hated that he was so upset about this, that after all of the improvements that Haru had brought with him he was still so easily broken just by reading his name.

“I’ll beat him.” Haru was kneeling in front of Sousuke now, his hand gingerly resting on the swim coach’s left shoulder blade. “That’s what you want, isn’t it?”

“I don’t know,” Sousuke sighed. Before he knew it, it was all spilling out of him. “Part of me still wants him to win, you know? I want to support the dream he worked so hard for… And yet, whenever I think about him winning, I just feel bitter: after he treated me like shit, why does he get to stand on the podium while I’m sitting here as an invalid?”

“You’re not an invalid—” Haru broke off as Sousuke held up his hand. The swim coach looked at him sadly.

“Haru. Please, don’t. I’ve had enough of false hopes, thank you.” Sousuke sighed as he clenched his hands, staring down at the floor. “I’ll never swim again. I know that.”

Haru was silent. Sousuke could feel tears threatening to fall, and he struggled to contain them. He was sick to death of crying all of the time. He didn’t want to be so plagued by his emotions, by his constant depression. Dammit, he wanted to be _happy._

“I wish—”

Sousuke would never know what Haru was going to say, for in that moment a whistle blew in the distance. It was time for the final round. Haru glanced up, before he looked back down at Sousuke. The swim coach could see that he was hesitant to leave him, and truth be told Sousuke didn’t want him to leave. But he knew he had to.

Reaching out to squeeze Haru’s forearm, Sousuke smiled up at him as he wiped the forming tears from his eyes. “Go – I’ll be okay. Just swim your damn hardest, got it?”

“Yeah.” Haru rubbed Sousuke’s back before he stood up. “I’ll win for you.”

“I know you will.” Warmth flooded Sousuke’s chest as he watched Haru walk away. There really was no one in the world like Haru.

He sat on the bench a little while longer, composing himself, before he got up to head for the pool. He was going to watch the race even if it killed him to see Rin; he wouldn’t let the shark take away what little satisfaction he had left.

Rin was stretching next to Haru in front of the blocks as Sousuke came to stand with the other coaches. He was talking to Haru about something, to which the other was merely nodding at, and laughing at his own jokes. Sousuke felt an old twinge of bitterness in his stomach and he tried to repress it. This was it – the climax to his dream, or as close as he could get to it. He would root for Haru, he would believe he would win, and he would enjoy the race. After all, that was what swimming was all about. Enjoyment.

Sousuke wondered why it had taken him so long to realize that.

The long whistle blew, and Rin shut his mouth as the six final swimmers stepped up on to the block. A serious tension descended around the entire pool and Sousuke worried he would puke from the nerves eating his stomach. They’d been bad before, but now they were even worse as Haru leaned down to grip the block for the final round. God Sousuke hoped they had trained enough; he hoped Haru wanted to win enough; he hoped, if anything, that Rin didn’t beat Haru.

The buzzer. The swimmers leaped from the blocks. They hit the water a second later. Sousuke watched in barely constrained anxiety as the swimmers started their first lap. They were all good, crazy good. The race was so close. Rin, Haru, and the Russian guy that Sousuke didn’t remember the name of were tied in the lead, but the others were marginally close behind. There would be no clear winner, that was for sure. Sousuke wondered if that made him feel better or worse. Even if Rin barely beat Haru, he would still win.

Sousuke forced away the “what ifs” and focused in on the race. He could see his pupil struggling to pull ahead – each time he would manage to do so, Rin was right there catching up to him. Sometimes it wasn’t always Rin; the other swimmers were holding their own, too.

The first flip-turn. Haru, learning from his first mistake, hit it perfectly. Rin did, too. It wasn’t the kind of race where everyone was slipping on their flip-turns; they had all practiced a million flip-turns every day. That didn’t stop Sousuke from wishing someone had slipped, however. Just getting the upper hand on one person would’ve made him feel a bit better.

On the second lap, Haru fell behind Rin a tiny bit. Sousuke could tell that the shark was pushing himself; after all, it was hard not to get excited when one was swimming in the final round of the Olympics. The swim coach could only pray that Haru was pacing himself appropriately and that Rin was wearing himself out. He also hoped that Haru would be strong enough: even if he had stamina, it meant nothing if he couldn’t swim faster overall.

The third lap. Most of the other swimmers had fallen behind, and Haru had caught up to Rin again, but the two were swimming neck and neck. Sousuke wished impatiently that Haru would hurry up and pull ahead of the shark. He was so close; Rin couldn’t win after everything they’d worked so hard for!

Sousuke had made up his mind – he wanted Haru to win. With all of his heart.

Haru hit the last flip-turn, launching into his all-out sprint as he raced for the finish. Sousuke noted that Rin, annoyingly, had also started to sprint. The swim coach wondered who had coached Rin and why he was stealing his damn tactics. He believed in Haru’s pull, but he was really having trouble shaking Rin.

Sousuke felt his impatience, pain, and anxiety erupt out of his body as he began shouting at his pupil.

“Dammit, Haru, you have to win this!” Sousuke roared over the crowd, completely losing the calm composure he’d tried to keep up for the other coaches. Who cared what they thought – Sousuke’s first pupil was about to win the Olympics. For _him_. He wouldn’t let any meek embarrassment keep him from that.

Sousuke had no idea if his pupil heard him. However, it seemed that Haru was streaking down the lane even faster than usual: the swim coach was sure that, if he had his stopwatch, the freestyler would be breaking his own personal best. At the last possible second, he freed himself of Rin and pushed forward a couple of inches to slam his hand against the wall, slammed it so hard that it probably hurt.

Not daring to breathe, Sousuke glanced up at the board. Though he knew what he’d seen, he couldn’t get his heart to believe it. He didn’t want to think he saw something only to be wrong. That would be more disappointing than if Haru had just lost.

The number one was by…

… Haruka Nanase?!

For a moment, the whole pool was shrouded in silence. Sousuke didn’t even bother to try and pick his jaw off the ground as he blinked several hundred times at the board. He pinched himself a few times, too, for good measure. He simply couldn’t believe it.

… Gold? Olympic Gold?

The silence broke. People screamed. Other racers clapped Haru on the back. Sousuke cried a little.

As Haru climbed out of the pool, Sousuke followed him and the crowd of people moving to the podium. Pride erupted in his chest as he watched Haru step up on to the podium, though it was accompanied with melancholy. While he was unbearably happy for Haru, and he knew he could take some credit for the win, Sousuke couldn’t help but note that his dream was never going to come true. He would never be up on the podium himself. The swim coach worked to suppress his thoughts, however; now was the time to be happy for Haru, not to wallow in self-pity. His pupil looked a little dazed up on the podium, as if he couldn’t believe he’d won, but he did smile his small smile when he was given the medal.

Then he did something unexpected.

He scanned the crowd before his eyes fell on Sousuke. The swim coach shot him a small smile and a thumbs-up. Haru stared at him for a little longer before he turned to the announcer behind him and whispered in his ear. Sousuke stared on, baffled, wondering what Haru could be saying to the man.

The announcer looked a little confused as he turned to the mike. “We’ve had a little bit of a strange request from our Olympic Gold winner, Haruka Nanase, but there’s nothing that says we can’t do it, so… He’s requested that his swim coach, Sousuke Yamazaki, join him here on the podium.”

Sousuke was dumbfounded. He thought for sure he hadn’t heard right. He stared at Haru, who just nodded at him and gave him a small smile. The swim coach’s heart leaped to his throat and he had to stop himself from crying as he pushed his way through the crowd. When he reached the podium, Haru stuck out his arm to help him up. Sousuke took it, since he was so stunned that he would probably trip and die if he tried to get up himself.

He’d never imagined how great it would be to stand on the podium.

The sea of swimmers spread out before him, accomplishment wafted through the air, and he felt like he was the king of the world. He didn’t even win the medal, but at that moment it didn’t matter; he was standing above the world, on the podium of his dreams.

Haru brought him back to earth by offering him to hold the medal. Longing consumed Sousuke, but he knew he couldn’t take it. He wasn’t going to delude himself _that_ much. Instead he hugged Haru, a beaming smile on his face. He only laughed when Haru softly voiced his confusion. When he drew back, he gripped his pupil’s shoulders tightly and thought he was going to cry from his elation. “You keep that, Haru. You deserve it.”

“It means more to you than it does to me.” Haru had a small smile on his face still, and Sousuke had to resist the urge to lean down and kiss him. He didn’t want to ruin the moment by awkwardly throwing his awakening feelings for Haru into it.

“But you won it.” Sousuke couldn’t stop smiling. “And right now that means the world to me.”

Haru smirked a little, but gave in and put the medal around his own neck. “I told you I’d win the Olympics for you.”

Sousuke laughed and hugged Haru again. “That you did, my buddy. That you did.”

Later Sousuke wondered how they got him down from the podium. He’d been so excited he’d started crying, and he wouldn’t let go of Haru or the podium for the longest time. Though he was slightly embarrassed about it, he couldn’t help it; when he’d destroyed his shoulder, he thought his dreams had been crushed for good. Though they still kind of were, Haru had returned joy to his life and had swum out his dreams for him. And he loved him for that.

He never wanted to forget that moment.

When he finally came down from the podium and his high, he was waiting for Haru outside the changing rooms. They were going out to eat again, to eat a huge meal and be merry over the fact that Haru _had won the Olympics._ Sousuke still couldn’t believe it, really. Though he was unbearably ecstatic, he couldn’t stop the tinge of sadness as he realized one fact: Haru wouldn’t be sleeping over anymore. And though he was mad at himself for feeling that way, he couldn’t help it. He’d really gotten used to, and had enjoyed, Haru sleeping over. Sure, it’d only been twice, but just not having to be alone and cry himself to sleep anymore was a relief.

Sousuke didn’t want to go back to that.

And, as if to make matters worse, Rin approached him as he waited for Haru. Sousuke immediately stiffened, his eyes narrowing in pain as the shark neared. What the _hell_ did he want? Couldn’t Sousuke actually be _happy_ for once? Why did every moment when he felt better have to be ruined by Rin?

“Where’s Haru?” Rin asked when he was close enough. He was standing an awkward distance away, and Sousuke didn’t know if that fact made him angry or sad.

“Where do you think?” Sousuke ground out. He really didn’t want to have this conversation: of all the things Rin could’ve been talking to him about, of course it had to be Haru. Rin really hadn’t learned anything; he really didn’t think he’d done anything wrong.

Rin worked his jaw a little before he replied. “Well, just tell him that that was some good swimming. And that I’ll reach my dream no matter what.”

Sousuke said nothing. He didn’t want to be any messenger for some petty Rin competition. Why should he help maintain the friendship that had destroyed his life? Bitterness and pain churned in Sousuke’s gut. He hated all of this. What had he ever done in his life to deserve this much pain?

“Sousuke, I don’t know what’s going on with you, but you need to pick yourself up.” Rin gave him a skeptical look before he began to walk away.

Sousuke actually snapped. For the first time in his life, he wanted to _kill_ Rin. He wanted to walk after him and sucker punch him right in the jaw. He wanted to give him injuries that were equal to the pain Sousuke felt every day; maybe, if he was lucky, Rin would never be able to swim again and maybe, _maybe_ finally he’d understand. How dare he come up to him and say stuff like that, as if he didn’t know. How _dare_ he tell him to pick himself up, like he hadn’t been trying to do that for years.

“You understand nothing!” Sousuke roared at Rin’s back and would’ve chased after him, too, if a sudden, cool hand hadn’t gripped his bicep. He turned, startled, to see Haru there looking at him. With a sudden wince of shame, the swim coach wondered how long his pupil had been standing there.

“Don’t do something you’ll regret, Sousuke.” Haru’s voice actually sounded _worried._

Sousuke ripped his arm away as he stared at a point on the ground. “… I’ve already done everything in my life that I could possibly regret.”

Silence fell upon them, and Sousuke found himself, _annoyingly_ , crying again. He wished that all of his pain could just vaporize; he wished he’d never injured his shoulder; he wished that he had meant enough to Rin to keep the only friendship that had mattered. The regret he felt crushed over him as his anger dispersed.

He could never hurt Rin. He could curse him behind his back, but he could never deal damage to someone like that, especially not to someone who he held so dear to his heart despite what he’d done to him. Besides, he wasn’t a violent person.

“I probably deserve all of this crap I’ve gone through,” Sousuke sobbed as he wiped at his eyes with his hands. “This is what I get for not caring about what really mattered.”

His pupil gave him a hard look. “You don’t deserve any of that.”

And suddenly Haru was kissing him, his hand reaching up to tangle in the hair on the back of Sousuke’s neck. Sousuke’s eyes widened in shock and for a moment he found he couldn’t respond. _There was no way…_ He had always disillusioned himself into hoping it was true, but deep down he had always believed it wasn’t. And yet there was no way he could misunderstand this.

Haru _liked_ him. Liked him the way that Sousuke liked him, the way he’d always wanted to be liked by someone.

Suddenly nothing else mattered. It didn’t matter that Sousuke had been alone for fifteen years; it didn’t matter that Rin was an asshole; it didn’t matter that Haru was the only person that cared for him; it didn’t matter that he couldn’t swim anymore. It didn’t even matter that they were in public, as Sousuke soon found himself pressing eagerly back.

He was loved, and _that_ was all that mattered.

When they parted, Sousuke’s lips tingled and he looked at Haru uncertainly. Suddenly he began to doubt himself: what if Haru had some other reason for doing this? Sure, he had no idea what that reason could possibly be, but at that point Sousuke was so used to being betrayed that he couldn’t just easily accept it.

“Stop.” Haru’s hand moved down to Sousuke’s jaw, which he traced with a finger. “You’re doubting yourself again.”

Sousuke scoffed as he leaned into his pupil’s hand. “I’m not sure I’m comfortable with how well you can read me.”

“Better get used to it, then.” Haru smiled, the small smile Sousuke had fallen in love with. “Because I love you, Sousuke.”

The swim coach actually started crying again. To know someone actually cared, to know that he wasn’t just imagining things, was almost too much for him. The last half of his life, all he’d wanted was someone to comfort him and be there for him, and now Haru was offering to do that for him. The thought made him so happy that he couldn’t believe it was actually happening. He hadn’t felt that good in years; it _had_ to be a dream…

“I love you too, Haru,” Sousuke choked out, smiling through his tears. He then leaned down to kiss the freestyler again, his heart soaring as he felt him kiss back. “Just know this – you’re not allowed to leave me.”

Sousuke felt Haru smile against his lips. “I know, and I won’t.”

 

\--

 

“What does swimming mean to you, Haru?” Sousuke asked later as they lay in bed together. Haru had insisted on sleeping over again and the swim coach found he was getting less and less resistant to the fact. It was nice, and he admitted he liked it; it was even better when he knew that it meant something, that Haru wasn’t just staying over to make sure Sousuke didn’t die in his sleep.

“What kind of question is that?” Haru’s voice was muffled by Sousuke’s chest. The swim coach now knew that his pupil was conscious of his cuddling – he’d done it before he’d even fallen asleep this time.

“I’m just curious. Because I always seem to change my opinion on what it means to me.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. Like, when I was little and I would compete with Rin, I thought it was all about winning: that’s why I didn’t like relays. I didn’t like that I had to depend on anyone but myself for the win. And then, in high school, when I swam with Samezuka, I thought it was about swimming with friends – Rin was big on that.”

Sousuke heard a small snort from his bedmate. “He sure was.”

“But now,” Sousuke continued, “I think I’ve changed my mind again. I’ve kind of fallen back on the whole independent swimming idea again, but it’s different this time. Now I think that swimming is all about enjoyment: I want to swim because I love swimming, because I love the feeling of shooting through the water like its air. I want to swim because it makes me happy.”

Haru looked up at Sousuke. A small, sleepy smile nestled on his face. “I’m glad that you’ve found your own meaning, Sousuke. Free from Rin at last.”

“Yeah,” Sousuke chuckled lightly as he rested his head on his pillow and met Haru’s gaze with a small smile, “Free at last.”

They laid in silence a little more before the gnawing curiosity in Sousuke’s chest became too much. “So? What does it mean to you?”

“Swimming is about being free.”

Sousuke laughed outright at that. As Haru drifted into sleep, the swim coach muttered softly, “I knew you were going to say that.”

 

\--

 

A few weeks later found Sousuke and Haru moving into a new apartment. When the relatively new couple had discussed the idea of living together, Haru had mentioned that he barely fit in his own apartment and that Sousuke’s current apartment really couldn’t fit two people plus all of the baggage Haru was capable of bringing with him. Not only that, but they both knew how much the swim coach missed Sho. And so, after they’d both collected enough money and had found an apartment they liked, they were leaving behind the place Sousuke had called home for seven years.

Their new apartment was close enough to the pool that they practiced at that they could walk there easily (as long as Sousuke didn’t get lost) and it allowed pets. It had only one bedroom (which was fine) with a kitchenette and plenty of space for Sousuke’s cable machine. And, of course, it had a balcony that faced east so they could watch the sunrise.

Though he was a bit nostalgic about leaving his old apartment, Sousuke was looking forward to starting a new chapter in his life. He was so excited about not being alone anymore, and having Sho living with him again. Not only that, but he’d had many rough nights in the previous apartment and the bed had suffered many a tears. It’d be nice to turnover a new leaf and leave his sadness behind.

Because he finally had. He hadn’t cried in the month that he’d been with Haru and he was smiling and enjoying himself more than he ever had in the last fifteen years. That was just amazing to him; after being depressed for so long, Sousuke had forgotten what it was like to feel the sun shine.

It was all because of Haru. And Sho.

The dog had been Sousuke’s closest companion growing up, and he had missed him badly when he had been unable to live with him. Now that the Rottweiler was back in the house, things seemed livelier. Not only that, but Sousuke could now fit in his daily exercise running with Sho; without the dog, it had been hard to find exercises that he could do without injuring his shoulder. With Sho’s leash, Sousuke could run and exercise his shoulder (as the dog often pulled on the leash eagerly) at the same time.

The only thing that still bothered Sousuke was Rin. The shark was, and probably always would be, a sensitive topic for the swim coach. He was starting to heal emotionally, and thought about him less, but that didn’t mean he’d forgotten him all together. The pain was still there, layered underneath his love for Haru, but still potent. Sometimes Haru would start talking about some memory of Rin before he realized his mistake and shut his mouth; when that happened Sousuke would take Sho out and clear his thoughts. He didn’t want to interfere with Haru’s relationship with Rin, but he really didn’t want to hear about it and think about his own broken relationship either.

Sousuke actually ran into Rin once when he was running with Sho. He’d almost passed him without noticing, but the Rottweiler knew Rin well, and liked him, so had immediately picked up and tracked his scent. The swim coach had been baffled by his dog’s behavior until he noticed, with a sinking stomach, who had attracted Sho’s attention.

“Sho!” Rin exclaimed happily as he kneeled down to meet the dog. He laughed and scratched the Rottweiler’s ears as Sho licked his face, front paws scrambling for a hold on the shark’s chest. Sousuke stood awkwardly on the other side of Sho’s leash, his jaw set. He was wondering how he could get out of the situation when Rin seemed to notice him.

“… Sousuke.” There was an awkward pause. “How are you?”

“Much better.” Sousuke couldn’t meet Rin’s gaze. “Though I doubt that means anything to you.”

“It does!” Rin shouted before he seemed embarrassed by his outburst and looked down at Sho. “It means a lot to me that you feel better.”

Sousuke sighed as he too looked down at Sho. The dog was nestled comfortably by Rin’s side and the swim coach couldn’t help but feel a twinge of pain in his heart. He used to be that close to Rin.

“Sousuke, I’ve been giving this a lot of thought and I just wanted to clarify one thing. Is this about your shoulder?”

“Everything is about my shoulder!” Sousuke snapped, before he immediately felt bad about it. His eyes narrowed slightly. “But it’s more about you, Rin. And me.”

Rin swallowed. “Because I’ve been thinking that I was probably very insensitive when we were younger. You kept trying to tell me how injured you were and I didn’t listen. I’m sorry about that.”

Sousuke said nothing. Was that supposed to make him feel better? Sure, it’d pissed him off to no end that Rin had kept acting like he could swim when he couldn’t, and at least he was apologizing for something, but what about all those times he’d left Sousuke in the dirt? What about all of the times he’d ignored him in favor of Haru and the other Iwatobi swimmers? How did his stupid shoulder mean more than that?

“And what about our friendship?” Sousuke finally ground out. He stared down at the ground. “Did that mean nothing to you?”

“Why would you think that? I was devastated when I found out you couldn’t swim anymore! You know that!”

“Do I?” Sousuke suddenly shouted as he looked Rin right in the eye. He hoped the shark could see every ounce of pain that was swelling up in his heart. “All I know is that the only thing you care about is swimming; and let me tell you, Rin, there are some things in this world that are more important than that!”

Rin looked shocked. Sousuke just plowed on ahead. “I used to think the same thing, but being left behind is a real eye-opener, Rin. How do you think I felt after you stopped writing me from Australia? Abandoned? Alone? Depressed? None of those words could possibly describe the agony I went through. And how do you think I felt when you left me behind to go swim with your new friends, Haru and the others? You were the _only_ friend I had. I _cared_ about you. But you only cared about me when it was convenient for you; _that_ is what I have suffered with for fifteen years. Fifteen goddamn _years_ , Rin! I hope you can realize why I can’t just forget and forgive. The world doesn’t work like that – it doesn’t do _your_ bidding. As sure as hell as I won’t.”

Rin’s mouth opened and closed. He seemed at a loss of words. Eventually he seemed to find his tongue. “… I didn’t know you felt like that.”

“Of course you wouldn’t,” Sousuke scoffed before he looked away again. He was working Sho’s leash in his hand in agitation as he tried to think about something, _anything,_ that wasn’t the old pain coming back. He felt the familiar twisting of a knife in his chest and the sting in his eyes. “Even after all of the times I said it right to your face.”

There was an uncomfortable silence. Sousuke sighed angrily; he knew what would happen next. Rin would once again deny that he’d done anything wrong and would get up and leave Sousuke behind, just as he always had. However, when the shark opened his mouth again, he surprised the swim coach.

“Sousuke, can we start over?”

“What?” Sousuke’s eyes were as wide as an owl. He could barely comprehend what Rin was saying.

“Can we start over? As friends, I mean. Because, to tell you the truth, I really miss you, Sousuke. Maybe I’m realizing this too late, but I don’t want to take advantage of you anymore, though that was never a conscious thought for me. I don’t think I can deny anymore that our separation was my fault, though: you knew all along what you wanted to do and I just dragged you down with my own dreams and struggles. I truly am sorry for that.”

Sousuke was shocked. He didn’t think he’d ever hear Rin admit that something was his fault. It was just too weird. Did this mean that something truly could change…?

“You mean as much to me as Haru and Makoto and the others.” Rin smiled a little as he held out his fist. “So let’s start fresh, and I’ll do my best to do it right this time.”

This was too good to be true. When he’d been depressed, Sousuke had repeatedly told himself that he never wanted to see or talk to Rin Matsuoka ever again. He’d been in so much pain that he’d suppressed what he really wanted: Rin’s friendship. Now, after so much time had passed, Rin wanted to try again. Though Sousuke was slightly worried that the shark would start doing what he’d done before again, he somehow knew he wouldn’t. Sousuke couldn’t swim anymore, so Rin could be his friend in a different way than he was friends with Haru and Makoto. Maybe that’s what it had to be all along.

Tears brimming in his eyes and a stupid smile on his face, Sousuke bumped his fist back. He didn’t try to hold back the tears this time because they were _different._ They weren’t tears of sadness or shame anymore. He even smirked a little as he said, his voice slightly shaking, “Hello, my name is Sousuke Yamazaki; it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Rin laughed. Sousuke did too, and he thought it was the best sound in the world.

 

\--

 

Haru was happy when Sousuke told him that he’d made up with Rin, that they were going to try friendship again. He hadn’t explicitly expressed it, but the swim coach was getting good at reading him.

After all, Haru wasn’t unemotional, as he’d once thought. He was quite emotional, in fact; he was just very good at hiding those emotions. He didn’t want to burden other people with his feelings; it was like a security blanket for him. That was one thing Sousuke realized as he spent more time with him. He never saw Haru’s blank expressions as emotionless anymore: after all, one could always uncover something if they looked deeper.

“You’re staring at me again.”

Sousuke broke out of his thoughts at Haru’s voice, and when he refocused on the world he was met with the freestyler’s questioning gaze. The swim coach just laughed and rubbed his neck, unwilling to share with Haru his thoughts, as he sent a teasing smirk the other’s way.

“Sorry. It’s hard not to when you’re standing there in your cute little chef’s outfit.”

Haru quickly turned away, but not before Sousuke saw the dark blush that coated his cheeks. In fact, the swim coach noted with a light chuckle, he could still see it; the swimmer was flushing so badly that the redness reached his ear tips. Sousuke could tell Haru was trying hard not to think about it, however – he was completely focused on cooking dinner. He’d been cooking dinner for the both of them more and more lately, which would be fine except Sousuke thought he was starting to get a little spoiled. He had to admit it, though: he loved Haru’s cooking.

Getting up off the couch, Sousuke walked into their kitchenette and hugged Haru from behind. He leaned his face into the swimmer’s chef hat, chuckling a little bit over how uncomfortable it was. Not that that would get him to move.

“We should get you a ‘kiss the chef’ apron,” Sousuke teased as the sudden thought occurred to him.

“No.”

Laughing, Sousuke pecked a kiss on Haru’s cheek before he walked back into the living room. He would’ve stayed to tease his boyfriend a little longer, but his shoulder was starting to ache again and he knew it was time to do some exercises. Shooing Sho away from his cable machine, Sousuke pulled out the wire and began stretching.

He’d noticed that he’d been less frustrated with his shoulder lately. Yeah, it sucked, and it still hurt like hell when he forgot to stretch it every day, but he found he was less angry at it. It had once ruined his life, and it still ruined his dreams, but he realized that if he’d never injured it he never would’ve gotten as close to Haru as he was. In fact, he may even still hate him. So yeah it was the worst, especially when he still had his strong urges to go swimming, but maybe there was some silver lining in it that he’d always been too depressed to see.

After all, he and Haru were both crazy swimmers – maybe they’d always been destined to be together.

“Hey, are you going to see Makoto tomorrow?” Sousuke called out as he heard sizzling in a pan. Usually Haru was more willing to talk once all of the cutting and preparing was done and out of the way.

“Yeah. Why?” He would go see Makoto once a week, which was a habit he’d apparently kept up since they’d graduated high school, and though it’d taken awhile (he’d always forget), Sousuke had learned to plan around it so he wasn’t sitting around twiddling his thumbs all day.

“Just making sure. I thought I’d go see my mom tomorrow.”

“I still haven’t met her. Does she know?” Haru sounded awkward, even from that distance.

Sousuke chuckled. “She knew the minute I picked up the phone to call and tell her. She has a sixth sense like that – it’s kind of creepy actually.”

He thought he heard a snort from the kitchenette. Then, “Maybe I should come with you.”

“No, go see Makoto! There’ll be plenty of time to interact with her at New Year’s. I told you she was coming over, didn’t I?”

“… No, you didn’t.” A banging of pots.

“Oh, well, now you know. Hey, maybe you should invite your parents over too!”

“… They don’t know yet.”

“Haru,” Sousuke sighed in exasperation before he dropped the subject. Haru wasn’t exactly close to his parents. They had left him to live all alone in high school, and, though Makoto had been there for him, Sousuke knew that the swimmer had often felt lonely and abandoned, a feeling he knew all too well.

He was a bit closer to them now, after he’d graduated high school, but that uncomfortable barrier was still there. Haru didn’t tell them much about his social life, and they didn’t really either, though they had called to congratulate him on winning the Olympics. Sousuke thought it was nice they’d watched him on TV, but Haru had just muttered something about how they could’ve come in person before he’d holed himself up in the kitchen. Things were improving, though. He’d even gone to see them for a week while Sousuke was trying to get everything settled with the new apartment.

Things would get better – it just needed time. Sousuke believed that, now, after he’d experienced it himself.

“I’ll invite them,” Haru said as they sat down for dinner. Sousuke was surprised that he was continuing the conversation. “I’ll tell them about us at Christmas.”

“Way to drop the bomb,” Sousuke teased before he let the subject go again. He was glad Haru was making an effort to bridge the gap between him and his parents, though he had to admit that now he was nervous for New Year’s. His mom would embarrass him while he simultaneously had to make a good impression for Haru’s parents. Hell, maybe he shouldn’t have suggested the idea.

“It’ll be fine.” Haru met Sousuke’s gaze as he read the swim coach’s mood. Apparently Sousuke wasn’t the only one who was getting better at reading between the lines.

Sousuke put his hand over Haru’s. “I know.”

A few days later, Haru started up his training regimen again. He’d taken a month off of Olympic training after he’d won, though he definitely hadn’t stopped swimming all together (it would take months to get that muscle tone back if he’d done that and Sousuke would’ve killed him). Besides, it took a lot to keep Haru away from the pool.

In the first few days back, Sousuke’s boss came up to him. He congratulated the swim coach on Haru’s win and had then gone on a long spiel about how impressed he was with Sousuke’s skills, despite how young he was. Sousuke was modest on the outside, but on the inside he was bursting with pride. He’d gone through so much shit to get where he was: he was glad it had paid off. His boss then asked if he was willing to continue training Haru, as well as a few more pupils.

He accepted the job. Just like he always had.

After all, the pool still called to him. It always would. But as he lay in bed with Haru in his arms, the warm sun peeking through the blinds as the morning began, Sousuke realized an astonishing fact:

He was happy.


End file.
